My Honor is my life

Okay so here we go again. I am a block head. I totally missed the boat in what Mel was trying to say. I thought she had basically decided to ignore me, and move on with her life. I thought she was basically saying she wanted to be friends, and that she was only saying she wanted to chat and hang out soetimes because she was being nice and not meaning it.

No, she still likes me. She spoke to me tonight online, she actually sent me a message first. And after talking with her tonight I figured out what she was really saying. She Wants Boundries.

My problem was i was reading her signs wrong. And this lead me to think she was more serious than she really was. This is where I soar. I know she is the one for me, and I can be patient. I excell at patience with women. Now i know there are boundries, i can work with that.

Boundries go away over time, and if I show her the real me, then this will eventually work out. When i say that i am looking fior a meaningful relationship, and not just to get into a girl's pants, I truly deeply mean that. And when I meet some one like this is is so true. I have waited a year for this girl to notice me, and i am not about to blow this now i know where the out of Bounds line is.

We will se how this develops. She does like me, but she is not trying to rush. I can accept that. :)

Goodnight all.
Robert

Well I finally heard from Mel last night. It seems my suspicions were right on. I scared her off, kind of. She said she went to my myspace page a while back, and seen I had changed my relationship status to In a Relationship. And this scared her. She told me she is not ready to be in a relationship right now, she still has school to finish.

I totally understood that. I told her in the email the reason why I changed it was because I actally started getting messages from real women on there who were interested. And I wanted to take myself out of the game so to speak to see where this goes.

She also told me that she had not dated a whole lot and she wanted to do so with out feeling guilty. Just my luck right. The Baxter Returns, I find the girl I really feel like could go somewhere Maybe she is just not wanting to get bogged down.

I just thought she would become the one. I guess I have mistaken Coincidence for Fate. She said she wants to still be friends and chat and hang out sometimes, but I get the feeling that is more out of being nice than really want.

Oh well she is remarkable, and I am patient when it comes to the affairs of the heart. So we will just have to see where this goes. I know I have a lot to offer someone who looks long enough to see it.

At least I did not loose this one from Talking about the ex all the time.

Anyway i will let you know how this all goes. Pray for me to find the guidance I need.

Its just weird how the same night I find out that the ex wife was getting remarried that is the last time I hear from Her for almost a week. Oh well when God hands you lemons you cant get pissed because you wanted tea.

Robert

I know looking back I might have gotten a little intense, I was holding back, but its a litle harder to hold back when you can actually see a future for once.

Labels: Melanie

Its been one of those weeks. I am not sure what has happened. Melanie has not talked to me since Friday night. I am not sure f she is mad at me, o if she is busy but I have to admit I am a little worried.

I have sent emails asking her whats she has been up to. I have tried calling her. She does not answer. At work yesterday she said hi to me and told me have a good day but she was in a discussion with one of her other employee about some kind of form.

Friday night she said that she was going to spend saturday with her dad and her half siblings. She had not seen them in awhile. I told her no problem, and that I understood.

Maybe I had scared her off, I was doing my best not to come off as too forward, and held a lot of stuff back. It sucks if I am loosing her already geez. I am in near panic mode, its not like her to not talk to me for a few days. Right now I feel like my throat wants to close up. I am scared. My life had been going so good and now I am worried.

I also found out my ex got remarried this weekend. Not that I really cared. I had sent her an email to let her know I had some of her stuff if she needed it back. And where to leave it. (Because I had a feeling she had moved out of her apartment) And sure enough she rubbed it in that she was getting married on Saturday. I am pissed because she ran off with my dog and I will never get to see Tiki again. (In fact Tiki had puppies and I was not informed. My mom would have wanted one. Oh well, she is gone from here.

So I sit here, worried, half sick, with a headache. I am stressed because I am not sure what the hell I did, and what I should do. It just seems odd how fast this all seems to have fallen apart. (I had just seen her last Tuesday, I even talked to her on the phone that night, and not really spoken much to her since then. Maybe its college stuff and she is busy. Maybe I just worry to much. But I am going to send her an email tongiht, or in the morning asking her if she is upset with me, and if she does not want to see me anymore then to at least tell me so, I will understand.

Oh well, I guess maybe I evaded heart break and misery for a little while.

Pray for me and God Bless.

Robert

Did you ever have that dream. The one where you are sitting in a car, and it takes off, and no matter what you do, you can not stop it. And you wake up and you are so relieved its a dream...

Now imagine that horrible experience, and then imagine you are not imagineing it... Welcome to my Sunday night Kids...

You see, I stopped by Matt and Jeff's house Sunday night. I left fairly early, because I was just exhausted. Mel and I stayed up til 2 in the morning on Saturday night, after you take into effect Daylight Savings Time.

As soon as I left there house and pulled out on my drive to my mom's to do laundry, my car starts to act funny. It start to rev up a little bit, and then stop. At first I thought it was the guy in front of me pealing out in the GT... then I reaize the car is trying to move forward as I have the break down.

It was annoying at first but I was thinking it would work itself out.

Kids, if your car starts acting like Herbie, get out and call someone, your car is about to become a death trap.

It kept getting worse, when all of a sudden, the engine revs loud and high, I take off like a bat out of hell. To avoid an accident I turn right at a stop light and find myself hurtling to a construction zone. I hit the brakes... Nothing

I know have orange barrels on eithier side of me, and I am going so fast between, that they break off both of my side mirrors. I Step on the brakes with all my might still nothing...

I realize that in front of me is a road closed sign, and behind it stakced in a neat pile is about 5 steel girders...

Ford taurus Station Wagon going 50+MPH.... Steel Girders... Who you got?

I said my prayers, I think it went something like this. "I am finally getting my life in order, the girl at the ank is dating me, and now you choose the time to kill me. Please Lord don't"

In answer I realized I had just enough time to throw the car into park while its moving which slows me down a little bit, and I whip the car through another red light going left, and pull off into another construction zone, when my car starts smoking. I kill the engine.

Jeff comes to pick me up, and I have a tow truck get my car, I am sure it is toast. I checked the engine, my radiator hoses were disconected and that spill antifreeze on my engine causing the smoke.

I found out later what caused it all. The wire that runs my cruise control to my engine disconected... Causing Herbie to think he was on cruise control, and I wanted him to go Faster.

Anyway in the process, the motor mounts buckled and cause the hose problem. It cost us 515 to fix. I still think the car is worth it. But I am on the road again.

Melanie told me if i needed a ride anywhere to let her know. Her mom also gave me the same offer, how cool is that. Not only is she sticking out her neck for me, but her mom told me that if Mel cant do it, she can. I started to cry when she told me that. I am just glad it was typing over the internet so she could not see me cry.

We have started talking on the phone more lately, I thik she wanted me to truly make the first phone call. We can talk for hours. I like that a lot. Plus she usually comes over ever Saturday.

She really is one in a million.

She also did not like to think about my car experince, she told me she does want to think about what could have happened.

Well Anyway everyone have a good night

Robert

Labels: Car Trouble, Melanie

Its been one of those weeks. Not so much for me, but everyone around me. I went to a friends grandmother's funeral. Another one of my friend's mother had a stroke, and also Melanie's grandpa had a stroke. And last Monday I got a flat tire.

I am hoping this wek is going to be better. Mel is on Spring Break this week, which is hilarious because it had been pretty cold, why have spring break, before spring? We did not get to see each other on Saturday like I had hoped, but I figured we would not when I heard about her grandfather.

I really did not think I would hear from her much at all. She has been at the hospital all week. Yet almost at least once a day she sends me a text message asking how my day is going, and hope I am doing well. These little messages brighten my day.

I had a customer come in the store who always talked to me, telling me that I have been in a better mood recently. And that I have a glow, she asked if I had a girl friend now. I was thinking is it that obvious. Okay tecnically its not a girlfriend I guess, but close enough to my heart.

Spent most of today trying to catch up on the Xbox Live Achievement Rewards Program, I got another month to come up with less than 500 more gamerscore Points. I think I can o it. I am playing Eragon, and the acheivement points are easy and I actually think the game is pretty good. The funny thing is that I am reading the book at the same time (Yes I know its Young Adult, but I like Dragons) I almost bought the second book in the series, "Eldest" but passed. Money may be tight in the near future.

I am hoping to pick up Ghost Recon Advanced Warfighter 2 this week. It will probably be the last game I pick up for awhile. Oh and Worms HD on XBLA. I love me some Worms.

Eragon is a good book, and the movie comes out on DVD this month, so I am looking forward to that.

Is anyone else gotten as disappointed with Lost this season as I have. I likd this past episode, but man the two or three before it sucked. I am really just sick of the "Others".

I am really Enjoying Jericho, I am almost starting to like it more than Lost. They actually answer some Questions. And heroes, man was I wrong about that show, each episode gets better than the last. I am definately watching TV more this year than in most.

Hopefully I will get to see the girl that owns my smile sometime this week. I miss her smile. When she heard I had a flat tire, she was upset because she could not do anything to help. She was in class at the time, so I did not call her. Someone from my past should take notes.:) This is how to respond when someone needs your help.

Anyway, I need to go. Heores starts in a few. Everyone have a good night

Robert

Labels: Bank Girl, Melanie, Xbox Live