Monday, December 31, 2007


Last night the guys and I went out to eat at Haceinda. This is a normal Josiah thing to do. I think it is only one of the three resteraunts he will eat at left in town. Jesse even came even though he does not like Hacendia all that much.

Our waitress was very nice. In fact she was very friendly towards me. No I am not stupid. I get the whole thing, its all for tip money. They cut the short fat and slow one from the heard.

As lunch went on. It did seem she was getting even more friendly. Josiah and Phil started pointing this out. Putting her hand on my shoulder. Rubbing my back, she even playful bumped me with her hips like 4 times in a row.

Jesse and I got it. But Josiah and Phil were thinking more was going on.

Josiah: Rob, do you want us to find out how she is. I will order a drink, if she brings it out, she is 21.

Me: Whatever, guys she is just fliring with me to get a better tip

5 minutes later

Josiah: Yes I want an (alcholic drink) please.

Drink Arrives.

Josiah: Thank You

Phil: So I guess that means you are at least 21.

Her: No, I turn 21 in 13 days

Phil: Well least you know when her birthday is

Subtle guys, subtle. LOL

Before the end of the lunch Jesse started to think she was in to me. The questions came up, would you date her, do you think she is cute, do you want me to leave your phone number on a piece of paper. Yes, Yes, thats okay she is only after a tip guys, Were my responses.

So the last five minutes we are there, Jesse is the only one who works in the important question.

Jesse: So you doing anything special for your 21st Birthday
Her: Not really, maybe go out to a bar
Jesse: Will your boyfriend be going with you.
Her: (I did not hear exactly what she said, Jesse said she had a boyfriend, I heard they broke up two days ago. I will go with Jesse since he was the one actually talking to her.

Phil, had come up with a wonderful idea. He took her picture with the camera phone. I was not sure And heacted like he could not find it to show her. (She wanted to see it). What I did not realize til it was too late. Phil was actually showingher my phone. Yes... he was giving the girl my phone number while I had no clue as to what was going on.

She then asked me for my name, I gave it, and then she was confused because she thought Phil's name was Robert also. (I think she thought Phil was giving out his phone number) I think before it was all over she understood what Phil was trying to do. I found out too late.

She did tell us to ask for her again, or come in during the evening when she is working or blah blah blah. I was a little embarrased. But not like super embarrased, more like comedy embarrased. Where i could have cared eithier way. I think I was a little red by the time we left.

She has a boyfriend I kept trying to explain, but I got the... Oh she maybe looking to dump him. I told them I could not take her awayfrom someone else even if she was genuinely interested.

I did learn something though. I really miss that female contact. I hate to say this, but the way she touched me was kind of intimate.. not in a dirty way. But I have not had a women touch me like that since I was married, and I realized how much I missed it.

Anyway. The moral of the story. Please tip the desperate watiress, so the next poor broken hearted guy does not rad to much into it.

posted by Hendersonman at 7:37 AM, | 1 comments
Wednesday, December 26, 2007

Every hour wounds, The Last one Kills

That is an old saying I came across this night. I am reading Neil Gaiman's American Gods. 60 some pages in and I love it. In a way, 2007 will live on as a wound. A cancerous growth.

I thought 2007 was going to be diffrent. Instead I think since I believed that, it was worse. I find out my ex got remarried, and has a baby on the way. There are places in my heart I can not even begin to describe the hurt.

I got lucky and dated the one person, I wanted more than anything. I am still amazed that I made it that far. Too bad it did not last. It never does really, at least not for me, hell see the last paragraph for proof.

Loose my job. Man that hurts. 9 years of loyalty and get booted to the curb and no one even had the fucking guts to tell me to my face, bunch of fucking cowards. All of em.

And then the Holidays come around, and I find myself around people, and I have to choke back tears. Everyone just seems so happy, and part of me hates them for it. How miserable am I that I have to hate someone for being happy.

That was suposed to be me you know, it was not long ago that I remembered happy. Hell it was not many years ago I remebered hope. Now I just feel cold. I never wanted to feel this way.

Its not all doom and gloom. I found some things I enjoy doing. The show, my show... my idea put to life and developed. Silly as it is, it is the one thing thats mad this entire year worth it.

I look at 2008 with much pessism. Hopefully it will bring hope, or something to make everything better. Oh Well.


posted by Hendersonman at 9:05 PM, | 2 comments
Monday, December 24, 2007

Not my Favorite time of year

Still alive, just not had much to say, I will post more later.

posted by Hendersonman at 3:33 AM, | 2 comments
Monday, December 10, 2007

Reflections on Life

We do our show on Sundays. And it is the only day out of the week that I see all my friends. Or at least most of them. Phil usual leaves me a key to his place, or leaves after I get there to go see his son.

This week while playing a game of Lumines with Josiah we discussed religion and philosophy. A deep topic in both cases. But I enjoy the conversation because we did not argue I just said my piece on why I just don't believe in God anymore, and he said why he did.

I have lost all faith. I tried to find some meaning in everything, but I just do not see it anymore. I contacted a lady I dated a few years ago. (Charla) who was a devoted Christian, and I was looking for answers. Something to make me believe or a way to look deeper.

Instead I got a lecture and it really bothered me. It just made things worse. She told me because I doubt I have let Satan in and that I am not the same person I used to be. The way she made it sound like is that I am abad person because I have lost faith.

You know what. THAT REALLY PISSESS ME OFF. I have been a good person my whole life. Even when I had no true Christian upbringing I still did good. And that is what always bothered me about Christians. How many do good just to get into heaven. I did good for no reasons. I do it because I care about people. I would sacrifice a lot for others, I try not to be a selfish person.

And even though God in my opinion A.) Does not exist, or B.) is just a fucking bastard who enjoys giving me something I want to just rip it away from to watch me cry. Frankly I would rather believe number 1. Because number 2 is just to heart wrenching to think about.

At least Josiah understands what I was trying to say and never judge me about it. He told me one thing. You will come back when your ready. That simple saying made me feel better, because it was not a lecture. It was not him backing down, and he was not blamming me for my decsion.

I guess it just bothered me a lot more than it should have. Yu know I wanted so much from life I never got. Maybe it is because I did not work hard for it, but I see crack heads, and pot heads get the things from there life I would die for. And some one who wanted a family, and wanted to be happy gets cheated out of it so many times.

I dont know, it jsust sucks sometimes.

And God if you are reading this, all I have to ask is this. Why do you treat people who care about others so badly? Is this some kind of test? Well if it is can you just stop I fail okay. I am not made for this shit. Tell me why I have lost all hope for a future.For what reason.
posted by Hendersonman at 2:18 PM, | 2 comments
Monday, December 3, 2007

Nothing New

My mom got her wii the other day. We played a few games of bowling. She played more bowling than I have. So she seems to like it.I have been playing other things on it beside bowling.

Last week a friend of mine was getting a cell phone. This girl kept waving at him and trying to et his attention. Finally she walked over to him.

"Aren't you Rob's friend?"

He then recognized who she was. It was Melanie. She told him to tell me hi. Josiah thought about telling her, maybe you should tell him hi yourself since you have been ignoring him for a month now. But he was pleasant about it and said he would relay the message.

He debated about telling me. He knew how it would affect me. Because he knew it would get the wheels turning and it may hurt me more because I would miss her, or whatever.

I am glad he told me. But at the same time I should have come to you guys because you ladies would have talked some since into me. Instead I probably made things worse, but it really does not matter at this point. But after 2 days mopping about it I wrote her back.

I just let her know that
a. I understand
b. I am not mad at her
c. I got hurt but that was my fault because she told me she was not ready for a relationship
d. That I would be here if she needed anything

And never heard back from her.

Then I got ridiculed by my other friend this week, about the whole dick in a jar. (Now its a jar, a few weeks ago it was a bottle,now a jar Not sure if that is a move up, down or lateral). granted we made fun of him because he is just as bad as I am. In fact he is worse, I broke up with a girl I could not stand.

But in the end it really does not matter anyway. I am glad he told me. I am not sure if I should have delivered a response. But I was hoping it might have meant something.

Well Talk to you guys later.

posted by Hendersonman at 12:46 PM, | 0 comments