Wednesday, December 26, 2007
Every hour wounds, The Last one Kills
That is an old saying I came across this night. I am reading Neil Gaiman's American Gods. 60 some pages in and I love it. In a way, 2007 will live on as a wound. A cancerous growth.
I thought 2007 was going to be diffrent. Instead I think since I believed that, it was worse. I find out my ex got remarried, and has a baby on the way. There are places in my heart I can not even begin to describe the hurt.
I got lucky and dated the one person, I wanted more than anything. I am still amazed that I made it that far. Too bad it did not last. It never does really, at least not for me, hell see the last paragraph for proof.
Loose my job. Man that hurts. 9 years of loyalty and get booted to the curb and no one even had the fucking guts to tell me to my face, bunch of fucking cowards. All of em.
And then the Holidays come around, and I find myself around people, and I have to choke back tears. Everyone just seems so happy, and part of me hates them for it. How miserable am I that I have to hate someone for being happy.
That was suposed to be me you know, it was not long ago that I remembered happy. Hell it was not many years ago I remebered hope. Now I just feel cold. I never wanted to feel this way.
Its not all doom and gloom. I found some things I enjoy doing. The show, my show... my idea put to life and developed. Silly as it is, it is the one thing thats mad this entire year worth it.
I look at 2008 with much pessism. Hopefully it will bring hope, or something to make everything better. Oh Well.
Later
Robert
I thought 2007 was going to be diffrent. Instead I think since I believed that, it was worse. I find out my ex got remarried, and has a baby on the way. There are places in my heart I can not even begin to describe the hurt.
I got lucky and dated the one person, I wanted more than anything. I am still amazed that I made it that far. Too bad it did not last. It never does really, at least not for me, hell see the last paragraph for proof.
Loose my job. Man that hurts. 9 years of loyalty and get booted to the curb and no one even had the fucking guts to tell me to my face, bunch of fucking cowards. All of em.
And then the Holidays come around, and I find myself around people, and I have to choke back tears. Everyone just seems so happy, and part of me hates them for it. How miserable am I that I have to hate someone for being happy.
That was suposed to be me you know, it was not long ago that I remembered happy. Hell it was not many years ago I remebered hope. Now I just feel cold. I never wanted to feel this way.
Its not all doom and gloom. I found some things I enjoy doing. The show, my show... my idea put to life and developed. Silly as it is, it is the one thing thats mad this entire year worth it.
I look at 2008 with much pessism. Hopefully it will bring hope, or something to make everything better. Oh Well.
Later
Robert
posted by Hendersonman at 9:05 PM, | 
2 Comments:
I agree - you never know what can be waiting around the corner for you...but you also can't wait around for something to happen to you either. You know that, you did something to get Mel's attention months ago and something happened from it. Maybe it wasn't everything you expected, but it was something. There is a light - but it's you who has to keep moving to get to the source of it.
Happy New Year my friend!
Happy New Year my friend!
I know how it feels to be thrown out of a job. The last place I worked I gave them 13 years of my life and one day the new manager decided he didn't want me around any more. And so he fired me. Just like that. I was too young to be retired but it hit my psyche so badly that I didn't want to even look for a job so I sat at home filling up with such hate toward everyone that was connected to that job. It took me a year to get over it, but I did. That manager stayed 2 years and then left. I could still be working there had it not been for him. I loved my job. But this state is an at will state and you can be fired for anything, even if they don't like the way you wear your hair. So please, don't think you are at the end of your rope. There is a reason for everything that happens, and there is a light at the end of the tunnel; you just have to keep looking for it and one day you will find it.