My Honor is my life

Hey guys, it looks like in a month or 2 I am moving back to my hometown of Henderson. My best friend is getting married (the one that is like a brother to me) and he had been living with my mom for the last 2 years. So i decided to do the right thing and move in with my mom for the next year or so. Since it is my fault she is in the predicament she is in.

The good news is I can afford to get me a better car this way, zand it helps me since i have to pay for a bankruptcy now. And mom is paying off one as well, (again thats my fault because i talked into filing bankruptcy, so my ex and her and I could all have a better life, ha)

I feel like a looser in some ways. I am almost 30 and going back to live with my mom. But i did it for 2 years on my own. I could have done more, but at least this way i can get back on my feet, and after a year move back home to Evansville, and find a better apartment. I will miss my freedom a little bit. My mom is not strict and i have never felt like that would be the problem, I just liked living alone.

I sent an email to Mel today telling her about all this. I had told her a few weeks ago that i was probably going to do this. She has seemed kind of distant lately, I am hoping she is just busy, it has been the last few weeks of school for her after all. I just kind of miss her. I hope we can continue to see each other, but if she decided that I am not what she is looking for right now, then I understand. she has a busy life right now. But we shall see summer is coming and I will actually be able to take her to the movies more often, and dinner and such. Plus she understands how life can be, she lives with her mom too.

The only real reason I tried so hard to make it on my own is because my ex told me I could not do it on my own. Plus i thought if I showed her i could she may see that i was not the irresponisble person she thought I was. And maybe that would bring her back. Ha, I cant believe I wasted so much time on her. Looking back, she really was not worth it. I wish I had known that 2 years ago. But it took Mel to break her spell on me. Its because of Mel i wanted to get my life in order. Its because of her I was able to throw out the junk in my closet. So i have to believe that God has his plans, and if it is meant to be then it will always find a way.

So when they say you cant go home agian, well they lie. you can.

Now on to some other things.

I played with a Wii for the first time yesterday. I kind of enjoyed it. i still think it is a fad and i still believe it will be something in a few months time that will be sitting in the corner collecting dust. But for what we did with it last night, its how it is supposed to be played.

A group of friends gathered around a tv, laughing and talking and shooting one liners at each other. but i do not think it will be as exciting in a few days when you are just by yourself, playing with your wii. But it maybe one of the first things i buy after moving in with my mom, because I am a hardcore gamer. And I do want ever console.

i started writing again. I have trouble writing because I could never get my story structure correct. ut I mapped out the first 13 chapters, and you know what, the story I am tryig to tell actually makes sense, and i can also write different chapters now, so if i get stuck on one part of a chapter I can skip it and come back later. Now I just have to learn how to use more flavor text.

Got the new Dresden Files novel from the library. it is pretty good so far. I think Jim Butcher is becoming my favorite author. He can keep you entertained, and turning the pages one after the other after the other.

I also have been playing alot more Rainbow 6 Vegas online since they brought out the new maps, it is so much fun.

Anyway gotta run. I hope everyone has a wonderful day.

Robert

I hae started trying to write this blog three times this week. Its been one of those weeks. It could have been a lot worse, but man could it have had a lot of improvememnts.

Virgina Tech was awful. I looked for as much info about the crime as i could find. Because i already knew what it was going to be blamed on. And Two douche bags were there to give there expert testimony as to the cause.

Jack thompson wasted no time throwing in his 2 cents about video gamre violence. Even before the killers age or name was released he already had his cause... Video Game violence.

It was a refreshing change however this week. People came to the aid of Video Games, this has never really happened before. Rush Limbaugh stood up for gamers. He was quoted as saying that video games did not cuase this, this was the cause of man who had problems.

And the other culprit this week was that aragant son of a bitch Dr. Phil. You know, it sickens me how much coverage this guy gets. This fat piece of shit has his own diet books. I mean what the fuck is that about. Oh and he doles out relationship advice, but lets go back to his first wife, why did they get divorced. Because he was cheating on her. I mean this son of bitch should be the front of the Hip-hip-hypocrit parade. And now he opens his mouth and spews out diareha again of shit he knows nothing about.

Why is it that gamers get a negative rap about this crap. I play violent video games, I love grand theft auto, I will be there day one when the new one comes out. I play halo, I play ghost recon, I have even fired a real weapon. But I do not want to go out and kill people for real.

This Korean piece of dag crap should have been throw into a metal instiution. He should not have been able to buy a gun. I know life is hard dickweed. I was picked on in school too. I played doom on ps1, but that has never made me want to go into my high school and blow away people. Dont use videogames as your scape goat, because gamers are tired of it. We have a right to vote. And some day we are going to have a president who played GTA or Halo or Doom. We all pass through outr phases. As the generation that passed before us hands the torch over, so will the negative stereo type. The same as what happened with Rock and Roll.

I am sorry to hear about the Families who lost lives this past week. I wish you the best of luck in your life. Its never easy to loose family.

Also Mel's dad was in the hospital this week. He is okay but there was a scare earlier in the week, and his once again home. Poor girl is stressed out, she only has a few weeks of classes left and she is at wits end.

My life has had its share of ups and downs this week. I filed for bankruptcy a few weeks ago. I was threatened by one of the companies i owed money to, they were going to garnish my wages/ I got it filed, but this week they took 1/4 of my paycheck, and they should not have been able to do that. Still waiting to hear from my lawyer over this one. I was looking forward to having that part of my check. i have been running low on groceries and i was really goiong to stock up. My finaces were starting to look good. I just hope we get this all figured out before next week. Other than that my life has been usual.

Sorry I have not written the blog. I just have not really had anything to talk about, so i just kind of waited. Mel's busy with school, and I have been doing a little writing here and there.

I have not mentioned it, but if you look to the left you will notice a little box called my twitter box. It is a little box that tells you what I am up to in real time. (Well in real time as i see fit to tell you) So if I have not updated the blog, you can still see that i am alive.

Anyway Guys, I will talk to you soon.

Robert

I was reading One door away from heaven, by Dean Koontz. And there was a line in there that took me aback, and I knew I just had to write about it. Its early in the book, when a character is talking to a waitress in a Country and Western Bar.

She gives him her philosophy, and answers with the line. "When you listen to country music all day, every day, you start to seeing everyone as a three minute story."

Are we all just three minute stories to everyone around us. Can you tell your story in three minutes, can our entire lives be broken down into something so simple. And if we did break them down to their simplest forms, would we all be so unique, or are we just like everyone else.

Here is my three minute story, the best way i can tell, it words that echo through my head. I am not getting weppy or sentimental. Think of it as a recap, or maybe this is the first time you have heard the tale.

I was born in May, I weighed less than 6 pounds. My dad did odd jobs, including Factory Work, and grave digging. And he liked to drink. alot. I never seen him hit my mom, manly because my mom was a strong women, and the first time he slapped her, she damn near killed both of them. Dad learned early mom was not going to take his crap.

Eventually my dad gave up the booze. Dad said it was the doctors that made him give it up. Mom said it was her. I kinda side with my mom on that story. My grandparents fought all the time. I don't know how often I was in the middle of some argument where ash trays were thrown. My parents never fought like that.

I had friends in school. And my best friend growing up was Jodie. A girl. Its probably where I learned all my good and bad habits. When she was mad at me, I always felt guilty. Kinda like when I was married. But I also learned how to treat a women, because you learn alot when one is your best friend. When she was mad I learned gifts were great. At seven a Popsicle is the equivalent of a diamond ring.

In 5th grade we moved. The landlord was tearing down the only home I had ever known. The only friends I had ever had would be so far away that I would rarely see them. We moved to a trailer park, where I would start the next half of my life.

At my old school, I was quite popular, people knew me forever. All my friends were there. At the trailer park, I made friends fast, but it was odd because for the longest time, I was the oldest. I met two people that I would be friends with for a long time. Kristen and Ben.

Kristen was 3 years younger than me, but we all loved her. In a way she became like a sister for me. And Ben well, you have heard the Ben stories. School was a different Story. The school district I moved to was full of the preppiest kids in school. They were mostly stuck up, and they turned me into an outcast.

After 2 years I thought my luck had changed. I got changed into a different school district. This was good news I thought. I was going back to to the Junior high i would have orginally stayed at.

However I met with some resistance. I was now an outsider again. Most of my friends barely remembered me. And I was kind stuck in limbo, where I made more enemies than friends. Where I got picked on by a 5 foot troll and his 400 pound twin goons. I hated it. I am not a fighter. And yet every day me and Ben got tormented by this little troll.

I eventually graduated from Troll high. And spent my life in the video business. I never kissed a girl til I was 20. Lost my virginity before I was 21. It was silly and I was stupid. I thought I was in love. Back then I fell in love way to easily.

I met the girl I would marry in 98, got married in 00. Then 11 months later my dad died. My mom moved in with us. And she bought us a home to live in. A modlar home. That after a few years started to fall apart.

And then i made the worst decsion I ever made. My "wife" wanted a new house, and we found a beautiful home. 2 stories, plenty of room to have children, a basement so I could play video games in piece. I had to convince my mom to file bankruptcy. The old house was falling apart anyway, and we knew we could not sell it.

So I convinced her. We moved into the new house on Thanksgiving day. Unloaded our Uhaul after Turkey. I thought my life could not get much better than that.

5 months later. We come back from a trip to see her niece. She was in a good mood that weekend. She was late. And for the first time i thought I was really going to be a daddy. When we get home we find out the truth, nope. A week later after a fight that last a weekend. She lights a cigarette and tells me she wants a divorce.

I spent the next year trying anything to win her back. But hey, one loser after another is better for her than me. (I think she met one decent guy the entire time she dated after me)

It took me along time to come to terms with this. But i did. I am over her. I never thought I would say that, but I am saying that.

Now I am walking the lonely roads again, but I have met someone who I think is special. She gives me hope. And hope is great medicince. She is not into anything serious, but you know what. For her I could wait forever.

So thats my 3 minute Story, Going on eternity.

So whats your three minute stories?

Robert

Labels: Three Minute Story

That is My favorite Easter Picture. I giggle like a 12 year old school girl everytime I see it. I told Mel that next year I want to find that on a T-shirt. That could be scary seeing me walking around giggle uncontrolably.

How is everyone else doing. Here the weather went from 80 on Sunday, and then dropped to below freezing Thursday. I refuse to turn on the heater in my apartment. I just bundle up at night. I am stubborn that way.

Well i turn 30 in a little over a month. And man does it ever show. I got the CRS (Cant remember Shit) so bad that I have notes laying everywhere so I do not forget to do stuff. I have notes to remind me to pay rent, To not forget my lunch. I almost feel like any minute they are going to start filming Memento 2: Electric Boogaloo right here in my apartment.

I am not loosing my mind. But I am just paranoid that I will forget something important.

I have not written in a while. I just have not had much to say. I had an ex of my ex contact me a few days ago. Asking me question about her and such. He was worried about her. And I explained to him what kind of a liar she is. He knew I was telling the truth because of what she had said to him.

She is still going around telling everyone that I cheated on her. Well fuck her. I am glad she is gone. I do not need that many people to think I am a cheating scumbag. That disgusts me to think of cheating on anyone.

My Honor is My Life, I do not do shit like that because it hurts my honor. And its rue, my honor is my life. Its a philosphy that I live by. She promised me she was not going to lie to anyone about me after her co workers found out she was lying. Oh well, I knew she was lying about me. it does not hurt anymore, it just pisses me off.

I am sure her Husband will send me another threatning email if they read this. But who cares.

Anyway folks, I got to run. Daylights a wasting. Have a Happy Easter Weekend. Stay warm. And all that good stuff.

Robert "Hendersonman" Wood

Labels: Memento 2: Electric Boogaloo