Sunday, July 13, 2008

Karma: U R doin' rong

Well I was thinking on the way home. Actually been thinking about it alot since Friday night. But this is my last post on this blog. Sad I know. But some things have come to me that actually make sense to me.

We went and seen the movie Hellboy 2. Afterwards we got into a discussion about Karma. I always thought karma happened to people that did good deeds. I have tried to do good things my entire life. And I felt this should have been enough.

I was informed that karma is also having a positive attitude, and I have so much negativity that it is killing me. So thats kind of why this blog has to go. I want more out of my life.

I dont want to die alone. I may never have the children I wanted, but I want to be happy. See I am having those old feelings of wanting to share my life with someone again.

The other night I was hanging out with some friends and another friend of theirs showed up. I talked to her and liked her personality and acually tried to flirt a bit. I am not good with flirting, but hey what could it hurt. I think one of my friends picked up on it because he was telling me all about her later that night. Now I am not saying that I want to spend the rest of my life with this girl, I dont even know her really. Hell who is to say she would have been interested in me anyway.

But for once, I knew I was tired of being alone. I knew that I could give someone another chance to get inside me and rip me apart. Or give me the life I always wished for.

So this blog has to go. Becuase it is a negative in my life. If I have it, I always have a place to be depressed. A place to put my doubt, because I do not like to put it on others. If I am to lead a life, if I even have a chance to find my faith, I have to walk away from the negativity and think on the positive.

Anyway I leave this blog with a little quote from Neil Gaiman. One of my favorite quotes ever.

Have you ever been in love? Horrible isn't it? It makes you so vulnerable. It opens your chest and it opens up your heart and it means that someone can get inside you and mess you up. You build up all these defenses, you build up a whole suit of armor, so that nothing can hurt you, then one stupid person, no different from any other stupid person, wanders into your stupid life...You give them a piece of you. They didn't ask for it. They did something dumb one day, like smile at you, and then your life isn't your own anymore. Love takes hostages. It gets inside you. It eats you out and leaves you crying in the darkness, so simple a phrase like 'maybe we should be just friends' turns into a glass splinter working its way into your heart. It hurts. Not just in the imagination. Not just in the mind. It's a soul-hurt, a real gets-inside-you-and-rips-you-apart pain. I hate love.

Dont forget Halo has a blog, and I am sure some of my lifes little adventures will make it there. Halo's blog.
 
posted by Hendersonman at 2:12 PM, |

2 Comments:

I totally understand giving up the negative and the blog. Feel free to drop in and let us know how things are going - and keep thinking the good stuff!

We will be sure to keep on with how Halo is doing too. Best of luck!
You are probably right in what you are thinking, so I am going to say to you that I wish you all the luck in the world. Hang in there, think good thoughts, and something good will come your way.