My Honor is my life

Well I was thinking on the way home. Actually been thinking about it alot since Friday night. But this is my last post on this blog. Sad I know. But some things have come to me that actually make sense to me.

We went and seen the movie Hellboy 2. Afterwards we got into a discussion about Karma. I always thought karma happened to people that did good deeds. I have tried to do good things my entire life. And I felt this should have been enough.

I was informed that karma is also having a positive attitude, and I have so much negativity that it is killing me. So thats kind of why this blog has to go. I want more out of my life.

I dont want to die alone. I may never have the children I wanted, but I want to be happy. See I am having those old feelings of wanting to share my life with someone again.

The other night I was hanging out with some friends and another friend of theirs showed up. I talked to her and liked her personality and acually tried to flirt a bit. I am not good with flirting, but hey what could it hurt. I think one of my friends picked up on it because he was telling me all about her later that night. Now I am not saying that I want to spend the rest of my life with this girl, I dont even know her really. Hell who is to say she would have been interested in me anyway.

But for once, I knew I was tired of being alone. I knew that I could give someone another chance to get inside me and rip me apart. Or give me the life I always wished for.

So this blog has to go. Becuase it is a negative in my life. If I have it, I always have a place to be depressed. A place to put my doubt, because I do not like to put it on others. If I am to lead a life, if I even have a chance to find my faith, I have to walk away from the negativity and think on the positive.

Anyway I leave this blog with a little quote from Neil Gaiman. One of my favorite quotes ever.

Have you ever been in love? Horrible isn't it? It makes you so vulnerable. It opens your chest and it opens up your heart and it means that someone can get inside you and mess you up. You build up all these defenses, you build up a whole suit of armor, so that nothing can hurt you, then one stupid person, no different from any other stupid person, wanders into your stupid life...You give them a piece of you. They didn't ask for it. They did something dumb one day, like smile at you, and then your life isn't your own anymore. Love takes hostages. It gets inside you. It eats you out and leaves you crying in the darkness, so simple a phrase like 'maybe we should be just friends' turns into a glass splinter working its way into your heart. It hurts. Not just in the imagination. Not just in the mind. It's a soul-hurt, a real gets-inside-you-and-rips-you-apart pain. I hate love.

Dont forget Halo has a blog, and I am sure some of my lifes little adventures will make it there. Halo's blog.

Sorry for the lack of updates. I kept putting off writing in this blg, and then realized it has almosr been a month since I had. So I thought hey I better get on that.

I have been occasionally taking sleeping pills. The other night I just had to take one. I was trying to sleep and I just started worrying. I worried about the economy, I worried about America in general. I listen to alot of Conspiracy Theories and there seems to be alot going on in the world right now. And most people will call you crazy, if you speak about it.

I think we are in trouble, and I think people like Alex Jones are right. If you look are money here is being made useless. Its devalued. And we owe so much to other countries that we can't pay. And now it seems like we are fishing to go to war with IRAN.. Why?

We can't afford the wars we are in now. I voted for Bush. I was a Republican for as many years as I can remember. But it doesnt matter. No one is going to change anything. I thought about all this and I got scared, and could not go to sleep.

No wonder they made these sleeping pills blue... reminds me of the matrix. Take one and when you wake up you don't remeber what you were worried about.

Just got back from taking Halo to the park. He gets alot of attention there. KIds love him, and he even made a frind at the park. Although the other night he was having nightmares. Its weird to watch a dog have nightmares. And he had several in a row. I would wke him up and he would look wide awake and then lay back down and start having it again. I eventually woke him up to make sure he was okay and not have some attack. He was fine. Weird.

Dog is a weirdo. I never had a dog that thinks bath time is awesome. He runs around the tub, slides and jumps. And he loves bubbles to.

Anyway nothing going on here. I got hit on at walmart, some lady there was looking at my video game shirts and asking me questions. I have no clue what her name was. I am not sure if she was really my type.

This weekend there was a fight in front of my apartment window. Two drunks fighting over the neighborhood slut. One of them was a maintence guy here. And he I believe lost his job. There was alcohol involved. And before I got out there to make sure someone didn't get killed, the one guy smashed a 40 against the maitence guys head. Then threw the bottle. I am pissed because my crack windshield now spread out all the was across the left side of the car. Looks like the bottle, or the fighters thought my car was an arena. Fucking idiots. I think you have to be able to pass some kind of test to get alcohol.

Anyway. Everyone have a good night