My Honor is my life

Karma: U R doin' rong

2008-07-13T14:12:00.001-07:00

Well I was thinking on the way home. Actually been thinking about it alot since Friday night. But this is my last post on this blog. Sad I know. But some things have come to me that actually make sense to me.

We went and seen the movie Hellboy 2. Afterwards we got into a discussion about Karma. I always thought karma happened to people that did good deeds. I have tried to do good things my entire life. And I felt this should have been enough.

I was informed that karma is also having a positive attitude, and I have so much negativity that it is killing me. So thats kind of why this blog has to go. I want more out of my life.

I dont want to die alone. I may never have the children I wanted, but I want to be happy. See I am having those old feelings of wanting to share my life with someone again.

The other night I was hanging out with some friends and another friend of theirs showed up. I talked to her and liked her personality and acually tried to flirt a bit. I am not good with flirting, but hey what could it hurt. I think one of my friends picked up on it because he was telling me all about her later that night. Now I am not saying that I want to spend the rest of my life with this girl, I dont even know her really. Hell who is to say she would have been interested in me anyway.

But for once, I knew I was tired of being alone. I knew that I could give someone another chance to get inside me and rip me apart. Or give me the life I always wished for.

So this blog has to go. Becuase it is a negative in my life. If I have it, I always have a place to be depressed. A place to put my doubt, because I do not like to put it on others. If I am to lead a life, if I even have a chance to find my faith, I have to walk away from the negativity and think on the positive.

Anyway I leave this blog with a little quote from Neil Gaiman. One of my favorite quotes ever.

Have you ever been in love? Horrible isn't it? It makes you so vulnerable. It opens your chest and it opens up your heart and it means that someone can get inside you and mess you up. You build up all these defenses, you build up a whole suit of armor, so that nothing can hurt you, then one stupid person, no different from any other stupid person, wanders into your stupid life...You give them a piece of you. They didn't ask for it. They did something dumb one day, like smile at you, and then your life isn't your own anymore. Love takes hostages. It gets inside you. It eats you out and leaves you crying in the darkness, so simple a phrase like 'maybe we should be just friends' turns into a glass splinter working its way into your heart. It hurts. Not just in the imagination. Not just in the mind. It's a soul-hurt, a real gets-inside-you-and-rips-you-apart pain. I hate love.

Dont forget Halo has a blog, and I am sure some of my lifes little adventures will make it there. Halo's blog.

Been a Long time

2008-07-01T16:36:00.000-07:00

Sorry for the lack of updates. I kept putting off writing in this blg, and then realized it has almosr been a month since I had. So I thought hey I better get on that.

I have been occasionally taking sleeping pills. The other night I just had to take one. I was trying to sleep and I just started worrying. I worried about the economy, I worried about America in general. I listen to alot of Conspiracy Theories and there seems to be alot going on in the world right now. And most people will call you crazy, if you speak about it.

I think we are in trouble, and I think people like Alex Jones are right. If you look are money here is being made useless. Its devalued. And we owe so much to other countries that we can't pay. And now it seems like we are fishing to go to war with IRAN.. Why?

We can't afford the wars we are in now. I voted for Bush. I was a Republican for as many years as I can remember. But it doesnt matter. No one is going to change anything. I thought about all this and I got scared, and could not go to sleep.

No wonder they made these sleeping pills blue... reminds me of the matrix. Take one and when you wake up you don't remeber what you were worried about.

Just got back from taking Halo to the park. He gets alot of attention there. KIds love him, and he even made a frind at the park. Although the other night he was having nightmares. Its weird to watch a dog have nightmares. And he had several in a row. I would wke him up and he would look wide awake and then lay back down and start having it again. I eventually woke him up to make sure he was okay and not have some attack. He was fine. Weird.

Dog is a weirdo. I never had a dog that thinks bath time is awesome. He runs around the tub, slides and jumps. And he loves bubbles to.

Anyway nothing going on here. I got hit on at walmart, some lady there was looking at my video game shirts and asking me questions. I have no clue what her name was. I am not sure if she was really my type.

This weekend there was a fight in front of my apartment window. Two drunks fighting over the neighborhood slut. One of them was a maintence guy here. And he I believe lost his job. There was alcohol involved. And before I got out there to make sure someone didn't get killed, the one guy smashed a 40 against the maitence guys head. Then threw the bottle. I am pissed because my crack windshield now spread out all the was across the left side of the car. Looks like the bottle, or the fighters thought my car was an arena. Fucking idiots. I think you have to be able to pass some kind of test to get alcohol.

Anyway. Everyone have a good night

Bad Week Rears its head

2008-06-07T13:54:00.000-07:00

Hey guys.

Its been one of those weeks really. I got a lot of stuff weighing on my mind. Its not just bad luck for me, its bad luck to those even around me. But I guess some good has come out of it.

Lets see this week I was driving out from Walmart to pick up her perscriptions. I thought something was a little off when I was at the light. It seems I was having to put more pressure on the breaks than normal. But I soldiered on thinking it was paranoia, because my break light was not coming on.

A few weeks ago my break light had come on, and I found I was low on break fluid. I filled it up and promptly forgot about it. Well Wednesday night the root of the problem persented itself. We were almost home when I realized that I was having to put more pressure on the breaks to stop. We were close, and I knew I had enough brakes to get home. But It was like every stop light between here and home was red. But I made it okay.

I am not automechanic. But I figured my friend Ben could help me out. So I talked to him and he said we could take a look at it. I told him we could do it on Saturday. So my mom rode back and forth with his mom. (Ben lives in the same neighborhood as me, and his mom drops off his niece to Ben's wife so she can babysit.)

So she just offered to take my mom back and forth to work instead of me having to get up at the butthole of dawn. Plus it gives me comfort that when I find a job, my mom will have a ride to work already.

Then I get told bad news on Thursday. Ben's oldest son, Scott has Muscular Dystrophy.And Aspergers. At the age of 7, he is going to be the strongest he will ever be. Most people with this form of MD dont live past 19.

Aspergers is like Autism. In fact until 1994, they were thought to be the same thing. Aspergers' is a neurological disease with a lot of the same symptoms of Autsm. They are focused on one thing. For Scott it has always been snowmen. They dont do well in Social Situations, and are very shy. This sounds a lot like Scott, and Also Ben, he was always the same way. Also they some times even hear noises that others cant hear, and noises affect them diffrently than you or I.

I just dont know what to say. Its sad. He has twins now with his second wife. And she is a nurse, so I am sure that is a blessing. But to think this kid I have watched grow up is going to be slowly put into a wheelchair. And nothing you can do about it.

Ben could not figure out where the leak was coming from, so I am going to have to take it to the shop. We didnt talk about his son. We talked about his love of the Wii and his kids. I had sent him a message earlier in the week telling him, I was sorry to hear, and I wish I could do more.

I have to take my car to a shop this week. Might be safer in the long run. I never get anything right the first time anyway.

Then I go to Manda's pug blog and see this poor little dog Dakota/Molly and I unfortunately decided to look at the picture attached that she warned people about. It was the most heart breaking thing I had ever seen. I was horrified.

So I am pretty much drained this week. I look at my shitty car, and my shitty life, and realize that no one is having a perfect life. And for some reason that makes it worse. $4 a gallon of gas here. People loosing jobs, and the world is just falling apart, and you just cant do anything about it.

Oh well
Robert

Still Here

2008-05-26T14:38:00.000-07:00

Had not much to say lately. So I have been quiet. Just wanted people to know I am still alive and unemployed (Waiting to get my teeth work done in june before I hit the search hard: Translation: Take the first job I am offered.

Other than that, life is not filled with Sunshine and Rainbows.

Later

Rob

Weeky McWeek

2008-05-05T09:07:00.000-07:00

Last week was a decent week for the most part. GTA IV was released, and I had lots of fun playing it. I know it stirs up contraversey everytime its released. But thats because people dont get that M-rated games are not for kids. We still live in an age where politicians think that video games are just for kids.

O'bama did do something rare for politician last week. He said the video game is violent, but its not the games fault. Parents should parent. Its TV, movies and games that are raising our children. ANd that we need to turn off the tv occasionally. I think its a great idea. This man makes more sense every time I listen to him speak.

We has a windy day on Saturday. I took Halo to the park, on the riverfront here in Henderson. He loved it but I was freezinf. I had on a light shirt and shorts, and man it was cold. Thats what I get for not checking the weather.

I am waiting on my Stimulus money from the government. I am going to set up a dentist apointment. I am still a little scared, but to get rid of all this teeth on top, and get dentures I think will do amazing things for my self esteem. Its going to hurt for a few days. (Although Mom says that hers did not bother her much at all)

I have become tech support central here. Ben's mom got a computer and I had to take a look at it last night. She and her husband came by the apartment last night because they thought it was not working. It was fine I showed them what to do.

I had a weird dream about Melanie the other night. Its been awhile since I had a dream about her. I just remeber she needed a ride to work, and she gave me a tree. In the dream I kept calling it a fig tree. I dont know a fig tree from a ficus. In fact the meer thought of me knowing that a ficus tree exist is beyond me. I looked it up in dream interpretation website.

TO be given a fig tree is a sign of regret and sorrowfulness. Weird. But then Phil was in the dream later and he yelled at me for something. Probably cause he bought a game that he hates for the 4th time :) But I do remember having that tree at the end of the dream. It was odd in the least bit.

Still no jobs on the horizon. Waiting till I get the teeth thing resolved before I look superhard. Unless something that jumps right of the page and grabs my attention. (Fat ugly guy needed for Pornshoot, 1up.com looking for writers in the Henderson/Evansville area) Stuff like that.

Anyway. Its time to go play some GTA4. So I can later go out and kill some prostitutes for real.

Later
HENDERSONman

Not Much Going on here

2008-04-28T09:43:00.000-07:00

Not really much going on around here. Its pretty much all HALO all the time. The dog not the game. But he has hisown blog of course.

I got my money. I bought me a few things I wanted. A DS lite, and PSP. And put the rest of the money back for a car, and other things like money to live on. (About 4 more months of Unemployment)

I need to call about my teeth. My mom explained to me that they will not have to cut out my wisdom teeth, because they have came in. I dont know if I trust her on that, anyone know. (I am scared when people use th term cut, and its half the reason I am in no huge hurry to get it done. I am a chicken shit) I thought they always had to cut out the wisdom teeth cause they were so rooted. Times like this I wish my ex wife was around, she worked at a dental office.

Anyway. Just wanted to say hello, and I will talk to you later

Robert

I got my Monies

2008-04-16T04:29:00.000-07:00

So I got my 401 (k) check yesterday. $4520, its been a long time since I seen that much money at one time. With this I will be able to pay off my credit card, and survive jobless for probably another 4-5 months if I have to. :( But I am optimistic that something will present itself.

It can last longer, butI am never sure how long the old station wagon is going to make it. Yes I still have the car that tried to kill me. Some days I wish it had, but back in those days, I thought "everything was going to be all right" That was back before I lost my job, (without a fuck you or how you do)and the girl that changed my life (still waiting for her to tell me Hey, but we can be friends).

But havng a little money in your pocket knda changes your perspective. Sad isnt it. So I diddlebopped down to the bank. I was depositing it, and asking for $500 ( A Sony PSP was calling my name, yeah I know its expensive but my life has been in the shitter and I wanted something else nice) However since it is an Insurance check, (I thik the stupid bitch needs to get her eyes checked. Since its a 401 (k) and the company also does Insurance you would think they were two seperate things) they have to hold it for 5 days.. which in bank terms means a week. WHy cant they jus say a week. We dont live on buisiness time. I mean at the end of Fiday we dont enter a fucking time warp that automatically makes it Monday. (Thank God for that right, hell maybe we need a reverse time warp that makes Sunday warp to friday a 5 pm, amarite?) Can you tell I am frustrated.

But I can wait, I have tons of stuff to play through anyway. And a website to run. Which I have not wrote an article for in a long long time. And then a week later GTAIV comes out and I will be killing Hookers and running over old ladies and pissing off politicians for playing a game made for Adults, being sold to children... not really my fucking problem the way I see... Maybe parents should learn to fucking parent. I guess I will never get to know that joy.

Wow... this post is coming out all disgrunteled like. But after its done I will feel better. Its good to get frustration out in the open. Oh and I only have one friend it seems anymore, Phil, the rest of my in real life friends dont talk to me anymore. I am not sure what that is about. Well I have an idea what its about, but I am not going to worry about it, if no one wants to talk to me again whatever.

Speaking of Politics. I think this will be the first time I have ever voted Democrat. I dont think any of them can do anything for us, but I think Barack may try harder than any of them. I dont maybe I am being optimistic again. But I wont vote for Hilarity Clinton if I was on fire and she offered to piss on me. Her husband ruined this country.

Dont blame Bush for the job loss. When Bidiot Clinton signed NAFTA, there was a huge sucking sound... it was all our jobs going to Mexico. And the dollar is almost worthless. And gas continues to rise. I forsee another Civil War in the next few years. But its going to be the rich vs. poor. You cant keep taking things for people and expect them to take it. Scary is it not. Me I just want to play video games.

Anyway, I guess I am going to close out this rant session. So I can relax a little. Everyone have a good night.

Robert

So Far in April

2008-04-10T08:01:00.001-07:00

Hello everyone.

Some updates, still single, still unemployed, still running a video game site, and doing a video show on Sunday, and a podcast on Wednesday. And still trying to housebreak a pug.

After much frustration of calling about my 401(k). I got frustrated and called his boss. I asked the boss. What I did to them, because I cant seem to get a call back abot paperwork, after I left so many messages.

I got a call back the next day. And the paperwork the day after that. So I should get money back shortly. The good news is my 401(k) bounced back a bit after I lost a thousand dollars in it. I got about 500 back. Hopefully I dont loose it waiting for them to cut me a check.

With this money, I can safley wait another 3 months without a job if I have to. So hopefully I can find something. At least I will be able to pay off my credit card. But I am treating myself to a Nintendo DS, and a PSP in June (waiting for the model I want to come in)

Halo and I are sitting outsid right now. Storms will be rolling in within the next few hours. But and bringing with it tornado like weather. But right now its only cloudy and windy. I a hoping for some nice Saturday weather to take him to the park.

If you want to know more about halo, he has his own blog with his own comments on life, potty training, and me. Halo the pug

Halo seems to help calm me down with the frustration I feel. Of course that could be because I am getting some money finally.

Oh and I came home from doing the show on Sunday, my hair was really bothering me. I hate when my hair gets so long and I cant do anything with it. So I told myself that I would buy me a set of hair clippers and do it myself. If they were cheap enough.

I bought a pair for $13. A haircut around here cost $9-11. And I did what my ex wife used to do. Cut my hair without any of the guards on. I forgot how short it is when you do this. But I got it done. I will make sure next time my mom is hom so she can check the back. I had a heck of a time finding a mirror.

Anyway. Chat with you guys later
Robert

My New Pug

2008-03-27T14:42:00.000-07:00

Meet little Halo. So far he hates a leas and he loves to chew. And he says Miko is cute as a button.

Frustration

2008-03-23T00:15:00.000-07:00

I know this sounds like a broken record, but man is my life frustrating. It seems like everything around me is frustrating me. Nothing seems to go the way, I need it to go. Well, I guess I don't mean exactly everything.

So what's been going on, well Not much. I can't seem to get a call back from my former employers. So I can get my 401(k), and that's very frustrating. I just checked it this week and found out that I have lost over $1000 in the last six months. That's a lot of money, money that I need. Had they sent me my paperwork like to ask them to six months ago. I would've had this money, I guess it's my fault. I should have been more demanding.

Last week my friends Josiah and Bryan went to Barnes and Nobles, after dinner to work on my resume. Since it seems no one has called me back for a job interview. I figured my resume needed some work. We spent about two hours going over it and Josiah did a great job. I was pretty ecstatic on the way over there, because another friend told me they had an opening in the billing department that they desperately needed filled. I figured if they were desperate, I had a shot.

That was Tuesday. Never heard anything back from all week. Not sure why no one else seems to be sure, why. See frustration, I am distressed. Maybe that's why it's 2:30 in the morning and my body can't sleep.

A couple weeks ago, my mom got a call from the credit card company, saying she had not paid her bill. Mom got to looking and sure enough she made the check, but they never received it. She set off another bill on that same day, and they did not get that one either.

Yesterday when I checked the mail. I find that another law firm as sent me a bill, because I did not pay the last payment of my bankruptcy. And sure enough when I checked my bank account that check had not cleared. So I sent off the form that came with the letter along with my credit card number to take care of this. Hopefully they won't charge me more because it's late. The reason for all these problems they removed our mailbox from the apartment community. We either have to leave our mail on our mailbox in the hallway or leave it at the office. Unfortunately the office is only open between 9 a.m. and 5 p.m. Sometimes that's not very convenient when you realize you need to mail something. These three letters disappeared and who knows what happened to them. Again frustration another problem that I could not fix.

And for the last bit of frustration. We have a very good Internet connection here or at lease we did. We had a 10 meg download connection. I used had because they've come around and have been doing some work on the cable. Suddenly I'm lucky if I can get a one meg connection. Sometimes it hovers between one and 1.5. That's a big drop in quality. Which frustrates me even more because today I was trying to make a new intro for our video game show. Which I could not do because nothing is downloading at the proper speed.

Seriously what the fuck happened? And tonight I couldn't even get a one meg connection.

Sorry to bring up all this frustration I just need something in my life to go right for once. I need a job I don't want to work at Wal-Mart but obviously not have much choice. What did I do wrong that I can't get anything I need?

He started a new videogame podcast and so far I enjoy doing it. We have more people on it than the video game show on stickam.com. And we just got the confirmation that we will be put up on iTunes. So that's kind of rewarding.

And after all these years, I finally bought my first website. Distributedfailure.com and its the location of the podcast and everything else that revolves around games and us.

I guess this about does it sorry about the bitching. By the way I used Dragon NaturallySpeaking to type up this post. Josiah gave it to me because he got tired of it but I have been using it quite a bit. Because honestly when I write, it's kind of a stream of consciousness thing. So this works for me.

Anyway everyone have a good night,
later
Robert R. Wood

More True Words Were Never Spoken

2008-03-15T08:29:00.000-07:00

Has it Been that long

2008-03-06T22:02:00.000-08:00

Wow. Just realized that this blog has not been updated since the middle of the Febuary.

Got my Xbox back today. I missed it so much. Alot has happened in the last month. Along with my sunday video game show, we started a podcast. And its awesome. Well if we could get the technicalities down to a minimum. There are 6 of us. Phil, Josiah, Kush (from CHicago, he is like the guy who fixes my problems) Brukaoru (She is like my little sis) and Kadosho, who is friends with Bru and a welcome addition and brings A bit of mental stability.

I have decided that I am going to do something for myself this year, my mom is going to help me pay for it. I am getting all my top teeth pulled and getting dentures. I know this is a sad fact at the age of 30 I am getting flase teeth but my teeth are bad. Ever since I was like 8, my two front teeth grew in with an overbite, which my parents could not afford to fix, and not only that they have a permenant stain from a reaction to an antibiotic I took as a child.

I dealt with it my whole life, and frankly its were 90% of my self esteem issues come from. Its one of my character flaws. People look at me like I dont bush my teethm and it makes it hard to talk to women when your stained teeth stick out for the world to see. So its going to cost me over a $1000 more than likely. But I am geting my 401 k soon. So I think thats when I will do it. While I am unemployed, so I can get it done and not have to miss work when I get a job.

I am scared, I know its going to hurt, but it will be worth it in the long run. Anything that can help with my self esteem is worth it, since I have so little of it.

Noty much of imprtance is going on. Awaiting another snowfall here. God I hate the snow. I hate hate hate it.

Been fighting the flu here. I keep getting over it, but then it just keeps coming back.

Anyway, just wanted to touch base and the teeth thing has been on my mind for awhile. And wanted to put it out in the ether, to see what others might say.

Take Care
Robert

Catching up

2008-02-19T21:58:00.001-08:00

loldogs are funny dog pictures!

Well I did survive Valentines day, but it was a touch and go week there. The weekend before Valentines Day started with Bank Girl getting engaged. Yup, a year ago we were planning on goig out for the first time, and a year later she got engaged. Oh well. What can I say, I am just really supposed to be alone I guess. I hate it, but have grown content with that.

Ben's son got to come home, so the twins are home finally. I have not gone to se him yet, the weather keeps me sick, and last week the road was covered in ice. So I had to get up and take my mom to work. Not realizing how bad it was. I had ice on my windshield about inch thick. And I did not have an ice scraper, the best I had was a paint scrapper. And I had no socks on and a T shirt. Not exactly my brightest moment. I went in and grabbed my coat and socks, which due to the mushy mess I had to change 3 times. I knew I was going to get Phenmonia. I survived.

Then Valentine's Day arrives. The wednesday before I drove over to Evile in the ice. Why> For a game of course. A game that was so great I stayed up til 3 am playing, convincing myself that it would be okay to go to sleep even though I did not want to. I got up the next morning did some straiting on my room, and was going to reward myself with some more Lost Odysey.

Happy Fucking Valentines Day, My 360 decided that sometime between 3 am and 11 am that it just did not want play games anymore. All my games said, Unplayable Disc, the only thing left in the world that I love left me too. I was not in a good mood that day, nd I would be lying if I said I did not have tears. So at least it was under warranty, but it has been miserable without my XBox friends. No LO, no COD4, no Halo 3, and No boogie bunnies.

I have been writing a little more. I talked to Audrey the other night on the phone and she was busy stroking my ego. I am not ure why she thinks I am good writer, but it feels good to have it be said from some one.

Job search has been bleak. Cant seem to find anything, I guess I will have to go down those roads I dont want to. But I still have a few more weeks. I saved up enough money to pay my bills for another 2 months. And I will also have my 401k to fall back on, but I was hoping to use that on a better car. But we got to do what we got do.

We just did the 20th episode of Phil-n Rob'd Games this past Sunday. 20 episodes. Not missed one week. And we announced that we are going to do a midweek podcast. ALong with Phil and I, Paul who had to drop out of the Sunday show because of Work COnflicts will be brought in. ALso two of our favorite listeners are going to join us as well. But I am kinda excited that we made it to 20 shows. I never thought we would go that long. (I guess Technically its 21 cause there was one show tat is Lost because of TD but we did record it)I guess its nice to know that I can be motivated and accomplish something. With help of course.

All I can say is Congratulations Sarah. At least as far as I know thats in order.

So yeah, its been a bad week. YEs life kick me when I am down, and yes I worry about my future. But at least I keep trying to get back up. All I can do. I look forward to providing you guys with better news, but at least its something.

Missing my Xbox dearly

Robert

The Universe is righting itself... Kinda

2008-02-06T09:37:00.000-08:00

I have been in a better mood lately. Not exactly sure what has brought it on. Things around me seem to be improving. My friend and co-host is finally catching some breaks in his situation, and he seems to be in a better mood. I was woried about him for awhile.

I am still desperately looking for a job. I am just going to have to take the first thing I am offered at the moment I guess. But whatever, as long as I have money, and hopefully Sundays off I will good.

I have a review to write for a buddy who works for a Role playing game magazine. Trying to decide what to say in this review, waiting to see if some of my friends want to run through it.

I swear when I lay down at night I think of a thousand different subjects for this blg, and like a nice dream they fade away when I get up in the morning.

I guess the only thing that bothers me is valentines days. The stores are filled with hearts and ballons and cards. And I just remeber that this time last year, I thought I had a relationship that was going to go somewhere. Man I wish there were some way to have a feeling like that again. Oh well.

I remember when I was married and I would go buy a card, it was not unusual for me to spend an hour at the Halmark store. Reading diffrent cards, and have tears in my eyes. It was always embarrassing but that has always been me, more heart than brains.

My head is killing me this week. Snus pressure, we just had a series of really bad storms sweep through here. Tornadoes hit somewhere near here and destroyed another trailer park. Killing three people.

Me and Phil got invited to do a Podcast with the crew at Tech and Games. I think we are going to try to do it on saturday. Get our little show some more exposure. Since they have way more listeners and are on I-tunes. Thats right good people, a man who has a voice for print is going to be on a podcast.

Also if you guys want to watch a great documentary, watch the King of Kong. Its sounds like the most borning premise of a movie, but it is the ultimate good vs. evil movie you will see.

Its all about 1 mans fight to get his name in the Guiness Book of World Records for the vido game donkey kong, and the person who had the record is one of the refrees for Twin Galaxies, and he does everything to keep it from geting in the record book. Trust me, it is an awesome.

ANyway, gotta run

Later
Robert

The Universe Speaks

2008-01-24T15:00:00.000-08:00

Ever had those days where the Universe Speaks to you. I had one of those the other night. I was sitting here when my old friend Audrey, a fellow blogger, sent me an IM. I have not really talked to her in a few months. She said she had gone through some old emails and seen one from me and decided to give me a call.

We talked for ten minutes. And she asked me if I was still writing. I told her no, not really. She told me that I should continue to do it. I was a good writer. It was good talking to her, I had been so down in the dumps. She made me feel good, I mean its not every day a model from LA gives you a pep talk. Thanks Audrey.

Then the next night, the guy who got me into writing at Eden Studios called me on Skype. And he asked if I was still writing.. and then said the same thing, I was a good writer, and I should keep writing.

I wish I had more self confidence. But it did sound good coming from these two. I have respect for both of them. And I think I needed a little encouragement besides what I get from here (I cant forget the other two ladies in my life HUGZ)(that sounded so gay didnt it).

Anyway just wanted to say hi, while I was on an upbeat turn. Talk to you later

Robert

Dreams

2008-01-17T22:28:00.000-08:00

Last week I had a dream about my ex wife again. Its been a long time to have one of these dreams. I just wonder if I will have these dreams the rest of my life, because this one hurt.

I was haning out with friends, in some two story house. And I came down stairs to see her. She was laying in bed watching tv. And commented about something someone said. So I told her I loved her, and then I lay down beside her. It was weird, because of the way all this seemed normal.

And I started telling her that I know we have been busy with work. And that we had drifted apart over the last few months, but I loved her and I wanted to work out our problems. And she started crying, and shaking her head. Like she understood.

I woke up, and did not think about it much. I went through my day. Looking for jobs, playing games, checking the iternet. And day grew to night and about half an hour before bed, I just started to cry. I just could not stop crying. I just felt the lonliest I have ever felt. Finally I fell asleep, and during the night I had another dream about her.

This one was not too specific. I can not remeber anything about it. But I just know she was there with me. And when I woke up the dream just vanished from my thughts.

Now 2 days in a row was odd. But by the third morning, I was worried about her. I had a dream where she lay in a dark bedroom, on a white bed. She was naked. And I walked over to her and asked if she was okay. When she rolled over, she was drenched with sweat. And I touched her forhead, and she was burning with a fever. I covered her up and lay down beside her. It was just weird.

I was glad when I seen she visited the blog later that day becuase I really was worried about her. I have no idea what any of those dreams meant. Maybe they are just reminders of how empty my life is. Maybe they are the universe teling me that if I done something I coul have changed my faith. or maybe it was just ating Chinese food three days in a row.

It looks like my co-host wont be able to make the show on Sunday. So there is a possibility that I may be doing it solo. I am sure one of the other guys will journey across the bridge to give me a hand.

It will be the 17th show. We have not missed a week yet. At least I know I can do something that works. I was not going to do the show, but a few of the audience seemed to be annoyed that was not going to do it, so I promise them a short show if someone does not show up. Hell maybe my mom will co-host it with me.

I woke up to take her to work Monday morning. And could not find my glasses anywhere. That it is a weird feeling. I cant see anything with out them which made finding them even more difficult.

Time was running out so I thought I was going to have to drive without them. Its a short drive to her work. But luckily my old glasses where in a drawer. Andit felt odd wearing those things they weighed a ton.

When I got home I found them in the bed. Not sure how they got there becuase I never sleep in my glasses. I wondered if I went sleepwalking somewhere.

Mom and I are thinking about getting pug after we get tax money. I really want one. I miss little Tiki. I just hope I can find a job soon. I dont want to work at Mcdonalds or something. I think of that and it really makes wanting to live that much harder.

American Idol started this week. And I am not watching it. I started watching it Last year because it gave me something to talk to Mel about. Its hard to believe that next week would have been a year for us talkng. Never have heard from her. Oh well. Not that I am suprised.

I entered to be part of the review crew for Allgames.com. Our editor would be a Member of the LA Daily News. But I did not make it, I think my review was too dry. SO I am not sure how close in the running I was. But i can always submit columns to them, and maybe earn me a spot that way.

However this week I was trusted by one of the host enough to keep track of what went on in the show. So that was interesting. I m not sure why Mayor Young chose me, but I felt good that they thought me trustworthy enough.

Ok well I guess I am going to get off here. This is the longest post I have had i awhile. Have a good night.

Robert

Poor Kid, Looks like his daddy

2008-01-09T04:20:00.001-08:00

Monday was baby night for lots of people who knew me. Ben's wife was rushed to the hospital because she was having trouble breathing. A few hours later they decided that they had to take the twins because her blood pressure was through the roof. (Same thing happened to my ex wife's mother, and she was a twin also).

Emma And Kane were born on Monday. Mother and babies are doing fine. As of yesterday. The girl looks like her mother, and the poor boy looks like his dad.
And yes the boy his named after a pro wrestler,sigh.

The babies are in an incubator after they were born. I am not sure how they are today. Mom seen them last night. They were trying to make it to 32 before she had them, she made it to week 29.

In Newyork the same day and almost at the same time. My friend Ron, from xbox live DarklordRS (thats his gamertag) had his little girl. Kind of interesting in a way. I could not have predicted that.

Yesterday would have been 8 years. My finger still bears the mark. But its fading.

My old boss called me yesterday. I learned that he got laid off a few weeks after I did. They gave his store to someone else, who was a friend of the DM. We were discriminated against. We lost our jobs so friends of his could keep theres. I hope that faggot son of a bitch gets everything in his life he deserves. I was there longer than he was. In fact I hope everyone in that office who was responsible gets what they deserve. I know its not very nice. But how many time have they had to lay in bed and wonder, are they really going to be alright.

Anyway. Have a good day

Robert

Tip

2007-12-31T07:37:00.001-08:00

Last night the guys and I went out to eat at Haceinda. This is a normal Josiah thing to do. I think it is only one of the three resteraunts he will eat at left in town. Jesse even came even though he does not like Hacendia all that much.

Our waitress was very nice. In fact she was very friendly towards me. No I am not stupid. I get the whole thing, its all for tip money. They cut the short fat and slow one from the heard.

As lunch went on. It did seem she was getting even more friendly. Josiah and Phil started pointing this out. Putting her hand on my shoulder. Rubbing my back, she even playful bumped me with her hips like 4 times in a row.

Jesse and I got it. But Josiah and Phil were thinking more was going on.

Josiah: Rob, do you want us to find out how she is. I will order a drink, if she brings it out, she is 21.

Me: Whatever, guys she is just fliring with me to get a better tip

5 minutes later

Josiah: Yes I want an (alcholic drink) please.

Drink Arrives.

Josiah: Thank You

Phil: So I guess that means you are at least 21.

Her: No, I turn 21 in 13 days

Phil: Well least you know when her birthday is

Subtle guys, subtle. LOL

Before the end of the lunch Jesse started to think she was in to me. The questions came up, would you date her, do you think she is cute, do you want me to leave your phone number on a piece of paper. Yes, Yes, thats okay she is only after a tip guys, Were my responses.

So the last five minutes we are there, Jesse is the only one who works in the important question.

Jesse: So you doing anything special for your 21st Birthday
Her: Not really, maybe go out to a bar
Jesse: Will your boyfriend be going with you.
Her: (I did not hear exactly what she said, Jesse said she had a boyfriend, I heard they broke up two days ago. I will go with Jesse since he was the one actually talking to her.

Phil, had come up with a wonderful idea. He took her picture with the camera phone. I was not sure And heacted like he could not find it to show her. (She wanted to see it). What I did not realize til it was too late. Phil was actually showingher my phone. Yes... he was giving the girl my phone number while I had no clue as to what was going on.

She then asked me for my name, I gave it, and then she was confused because she thought Phil's name was Robert also. (I think she thought Phil was giving out his phone number) I think before it was all over she understood what Phil was trying to do. I found out too late.

She did tell us to ask for her again, or come in during the evening when she is working or blah blah blah. I was a little embarrased. But not like super embarrased, more like comedy embarrased. Where i could have cared eithier way. I think I was a little red by the time we left.

She has a boyfriend I kept trying to explain, but I got the... Oh she maybe looking to dump him. I told them I could not take her awayfrom someone else even if she was genuinely interested.

I did learn something though. I really miss that female contact. I hate to say this, but the way she touched me was kind of intimate.. not in a dirty way. But I have not had a women touch me like that since I was married, and I realized how much I missed it.

Anyway. The moral of the story. Please tip the desperate watiress, so the next poor broken hearted guy does not rad to much into it.

Later
Robert

Every hour wounds, The Last one Kills

2007-12-26T21:05:00.000-08:00

That is an old saying I came across this night. I am reading Neil Gaiman's American Gods. 60 some pages in and I love it. In a way, 2007 will live on as a wound. A cancerous growth.

I thought 2007 was going to be diffrent. Instead I think since I believed that, it was worse. I find out my ex got remarried, and has a baby on the way. There are places in my heart I can not even begin to describe the hurt.

I got lucky and dated the one person, I wanted more than anything. I am still amazed that I made it that far. Too bad it did not last. It never does really, at least not for me, hell see the last paragraph for proof.

Loose my job. Man that hurts. 9 years of loyalty and get booted to the curb and no one even had the fucking guts to tell me to my face, bunch of fucking cowards. All of em.

And then the Holidays come around, and I find myself around people, and I have to choke back tears. Everyone just seems so happy, and part of me hates them for it. How miserable am I that I have to hate someone for being happy.

That was suposed to be me you know, it was not long ago that I remembered happy. Hell it was not many years ago I remebered hope. Now I just feel cold. I never wanted to feel this way.

Its not all doom and gloom. I found some things I enjoy doing. The show, my show... my idea put to life and developed. Silly as it is, it is the one thing thats mad this entire year worth it.

I look at 2008 with much pessism. Hopefully it will bring hope, or something to make everything better. Oh Well.

Later

Robert

Not my Favorite time of year

2007-12-24T03:33:00.001-08:00

Still alive, just not had much to say, I will post more later.

Robert

Reflections on Life

2007-12-10T14:18:00.001-08:00

We do our show on Sundays. And it is the only day out of the week that I see all my friends. Or at least most of them. Phil usual leaves me a key to his place, or leaves after I get there to go see his son.

This week while playing a game of Lumines with Josiah we discussed religion and philosophy. A deep topic in both cases. But I enjoy the conversation because we did not argue I just said my piece on why I just don't believe in God anymore, and he said why he did.

I have lost all faith. I tried to find some meaning in everything, but I just do not see it anymore. I contacted a lady I dated a few years ago. (Charla) who was a devoted Christian, and I was looking for answers. Something to make me believe or a way to look deeper.

Instead I got a lecture and it really bothered me. It just made things worse. She told me because I doubt I have let Satan in and that I am not the same person I used to be. The way she made it sound like is that I am abad person because I have lost faith.

You know what. THAT REALLY PISSESS ME OFF. I have been a good person my whole life. Even when I had no true Christian upbringing I still did good. And that is what always bothered me about Christians. How many do good just to get into heaven. I did good for no reasons. I do it because I care about people. I would sacrifice a lot for others, I try not to be a selfish person.

And even though God in my opinion A.) Does not exist, or B.) is just a fucking bastard who enjoys giving me something I want to just rip it away from to watch me cry. Frankly I would rather believe number 1. Because number 2 is just to heart wrenching to think about.

At least Josiah understands what I was trying to say and never judge me about it. He told me one thing. You will come back when your ready. That simple saying made me feel better, because it was not a lecture. It was not him backing down, and he was not blamming me for my decsion.

I guess it just bothered me a lot more than it should have. Yu know I wanted so much from life I never got. Maybe it is because I did not work hard for it, but I see crack heads, and pot heads get the things from there life I would die for. And some one who wanted a family, and wanted to be happy gets cheated out of it so many times.

I dont know, it jsust sucks sometimes.

And God if you are reading this, all I have to ask is this. Why do you treat people who care about others so badly? Is this some kind of test? Well if it is can you just stop I fail okay. I am not made for this shit. Tell me why I have lost all hope for a future.For what reason.

Nothing New

2007-12-03T12:46:00.000-08:00

My mom got her wii the other day. We played a few games of bowling. She played more bowling than I have. So she seems to like it.I have been playing other things on it beside bowling.

Last week a friend of mine was getting a cell phone. This girl kept waving at him and trying to et his attention. Finally she walked over to him.

"Aren't you Rob's friend?"

He then recognized who she was. It was Melanie. She told him to tell me hi. Josiah thought about telling her, maybe you should tell him hi yourself since you have been ignoring him for a month now. But he was pleasant about it and said he would relay the message.

He debated about telling me. He knew how it would affect me. Because he knew it would get the wheels turning and it may hurt me more because I would miss her, or whatever.

I am glad he told me. But at the same time I should have come to you guys because you ladies would have talked some since into me. Instead I probably made things worse, but it really does not matter at this point. But after 2 days mopping about it I wrote her back.

I just let her know that
a. I understand
b. I am not mad at her
c. I got hurt but that was my fault because she told me she was not ready for a relationship
d. That I would be here if she needed anything

And never heard back from her.

Then I got ridiculed by my other friend this week, about the whole dick in a jar. (Now its a jar, a few weeks ago it was a bottle,now a jar Not sure if that is a move up, down or lateral). granted we made fun of him because he is just as bad as I am. In fact he is worse, I broke up with a girl I could not stand.

But in the end it really does not matter anyway. I am glad he told me. I am not sure if I should have delivered a response. But I was hoping it might have meant something.

Well Talk to you guys later.

Rob

>: l

2007-11-26T04:43:00.000-08:00

I found some interesting info this weekend that really upset me. I am not sure if this is a reason Mel quite talking to me and I hope to God I never find out that it is true.

Seems that an old friend that pissed me off a few months back, ran into Mel a little while ago. She supposedly asked him, "Are you Rob's friend?"

He replied, "No not anymore, because of you and the bad way we supposedly treated you, he has quite talking to us." And then he walked away.

Now he told this to a mutual friend. This guy has no reason to lie to me about it. He is not a person that gets a sick thrill out of watching people get angry and throw down. But this guy told him that. And that just made me more angry.

Oh well he brought it on himself. No one goes over there anymore, and its reasons like this that he has no friends anymore. No one hangs out over there because he just does not know how to treat people.

He also made some comments about me to people because I did not confront him face to face, just quit coming over. I had nothing to say to him. He is one of these people that never believes he is wrong, so its like arguing with a brick wall.

But all I can say is this, I am not sure if this is the reason Mel moved on, a part of it, or whatever. It bothers me because for once in my life since the divorce, I was happy. I had dropped most of my cynical nature. Oh well.

My mom and I finished the Gilmore Girls Marathon a week ago. Loved the show. I wish it was still on. I think it is one of the best shows I ever watched.

Luke is my hero.

Later
Robert

Gamer BLood

2007-11-25T21:01:00.000-08:00

I try not to get the games blog in my personal blog, but this is a post more about who I am and where I came from and thought I might share it here.

We had a dinner for the Phil N Robd crew tonight. Phil brought over his wii because he wanted my mom to get a shot at trying it out until She gets hers in the next week. It got me thinking as to how I myself had gotten into gaming.

It runs in the family. Its hard to believe but my parents were both gamers. They were gamers from the atari 2600 on. We went see my older cousin who was station in Ft. Campbell and we brought the Atari 2600 with us.

My dad, mom, cousin and his wife stayed up all night long to play bowling on the 2600. I mean the game could hardly be called bowling. It consisted of a ball, well it was supposed to be a ball. Ataris was never good at spherical objects.

My dad won every single game he played. Except for one. He said his hand got to hurting so bad he left my cousin's wife win.

Growing up I had most of the video game consoles. Intellivision, Atari 2600, talking intellivision. I remember the game crash of 84, when all the games were super cheap, and we bought a ton of games at that point.

My dad always got it. I guess that made my parents different. They knew why games were my passion, because they enjoyed them too. Before my dad passes away in 2000 he bought a playstation. I had moved in with my wife and took mine with me. He bought a bowling game. And he would play it all the time, and me and the wife at the time would play it with him.

The morning he died I came home to find he had been playing Solitare on his computer in my old bedroom. He had been playing it an hour before the doctor said he would have passed. The sad thing is that he was losing that hand. I think he would say that was what killed him, loosing at Solitare, not the heart attack.

My dad was a gamer, up until the end. And after tonight, I think my mom will be to. She played wii for the first time. We started out in a game of bowling. And her first game she kicked my ass, and Phil's ass.

She was laughing and smiling. Having a great time. And on the show tonight I was given a hard time. Afterwards she played a game of Tennis on the wii, she was not to hot at that. But she enjoyed the boxing game. And I watched her enjoy it.

Then she played two more games of bowling. And at this point she had kcked everyones ass that was there. Me, Phil, Jesse, Brian and Josiah twice.

She says she can not wait to get her wii this week. And I think my dad is smiling right now. I think its cool that bowling video games run in our families. And its good to see my mom playing games again.

She watched us do our show and she was proud that she kicked our asses. And I took the loss a little on the chin, everyone ribbed me about it. I wish dad had been there for the wii. He would have liked it too.

But I know where I come from. Gamerblood.

Robert

Still Alive

2007-11-15T15:33:00.000-08:00

Nothing really to say but wanted everyone to know I am not dead. Its Video game season and I have hunted down some to lay and just been busy playing. I am doing okay. I did not want anyone to think I died or anything.

Plus you know, nothing interesting in my life right now.

Talk to you later
Rob

Dick in a Bottle

2007-10-30T21:00:00.000-07:00

Wow. What a week last week. I have actually managed to keep busy for an entire week. I finaly got my unemployment. Plus it was all back paid. So I got $680 all in one lump sum. My bills all got paid, from my mom's saving account and my last paycheck. But I made sure she did notwant me to pay her back. And I went out and bought me something special.

I bought a Playstation 3. I know a little moronic considering I dont have a job right now. But it will work itself out in the end. It has too, or I will be living under a bridge somewhere.

The reason I went and did this makes sense when you think about my recent gig. My video Game show. None of us have has a PS3. So when running a Video Game Website Phil-N-Rob'd Games Its hard to be taken seriously when you can not talk bout PS3 games also. So me havig the big idea to do this, and drag all my friends into the fire with me, I bit the bullet and got the 80GB PS3. As an Xbox 360 fanboy this was heartbreaking. I know. And my 360 has been watching me closely I am afraid to sleep in the same room as it.

When I brought the PS3 home, my 360 watched me carefully unbox the new console. I could hear her grinding her disc tray. "Whats that bitch doing here. Look at your greasy fingerprints all over her. I thought we had something special." She would not talk to me for hours. I made it up to her in the morning with a few hours of sweet Tomb Raider Anniversay, and she went to sleep happy. Fullfuled even...

Anyway...

The show is fun, full house this pas week. Phil is great letting us al hangg out and this thing. We could do it here too, but I am the only one in Henderson. So its easier for meto go there, and we always have a fall back plan if Phil can not do it.

Everyone has goten into the show. People are wanting to do segments for the show. Everything from PC reports, to video game musics segments. So we are quickly filling up an Hour and 20 minute time slot. And it gets me out of the house.

One of the guys is having lady problems. I feel for him. He found out his girlfriend he has been living with for a year went to a concert and stayed with some man she made out with a few years back. She had been sending emails to him, and he found out about it. The thing is this man is in his Mid-50's. Hmmm now why does that sound familiar. Oh thats right, it happened to me to.

She went up and stayed with him for 4 days, he was wealthy. He had a Victorian Mansion owned several buisinesses. She confesed all this because when she got up there, she found out she was not the only young hot thing there. This man basicaly had a harem.

I told him he needed to get out. I watched my life fall apart with the exact same thing. Everytime a new guy that could offer security, she would be gone again. He said he understood me and him were quite similar in that situation. Then he chewed my as out too.

He called me a Dick in a Bottle. In case of penis emergency break the bottle. He said Mel had me pussy whipped, even without never having sex. He said I was too nice. I never aplied pressure and when she told me she was not ready to be in a relationship, she knew I would wait around for her. So he said that she used me to feel good about herself. And she was not held into a relationship so when something better came along, she would not feel guilty.

So when this guy breaks her heart or fucks her and leaves her or whatever happens. I will be the first one she calls crying to, because I am too nice. In case of man emergency break glass. I am like that tootsie roll in the tube i case of diet emergency.

I always knew I was like this. I meet someone and I care way to fast, and they no it. So I am always going to be around. He told me I should have just walked away when she first told me she was not wanting to be in a serious relationship. Beause I was geting used, of course she wanted me to take her out, of course she wanted me to buy her things.

It just hurt to hear it like that. But really my self esteem has not taken that much of a hit. I am so used to this happening. It hurt, I am not going to lie but I am over the Mel thing. And she did help me get over the Ex thing. So right now I am not missing any women in my life. And that is a good thing. I think I needed this, or I think I really needed to be loved back but hey, I am doing good.

I still laugh because he needs to realize that he is basically a dick in the bottle too... but to a girl he lives with.

I went and got my hair cut today. Short... Almost bald again. The way the ex liked it. Its my mean look. I wanted to be in a dark mood. Get over this goody goody attitude. Not give a shit about anything.

Instead some guy siting out in front of mcDonalds asked me for change cause he was broke. Sob story, homeless man, not sure. I gave him $5.00. So much for being a brooding asshole. I always had more heart than sense. :)

Later
Rob

This is what has become of my life

2007-10-22T21:58:00.000-07:00

I have spent the last few days watching Gilmore Girls. I looked this morning and yes I still have a penis. I really love this show. I think saddest thing is I have a lot in common with Luke on the show.

I mean I am grumpy to the casual observer, but inside I am a sweetheart. And I constantly get my heart broke. But I have certain people I care about.

I got grociers today. And as I was loading them in the car, I looked at the smile face magnet Mel had gotten me. I thought about taking it down, but didn't. I thought about turning it upside down and making it look like a sad face. But I left it alone.

I am pretty much over the entire situation. It was just another thing in my life that I knew was too good to last. But the future can change, and maybe there is something that will change. I am not pining over her. I understand. But I still miss her.

I am not sure what is going on. But she had given me a bunch of household supplies at one time. Her mom Demos things at Supermarkets. One of the things I got from them was a little Contonelle Dog, you are supposed to stuff with toilet paper, because you know its supposed to be supersoft toilet paper.

The point of the story. Everynight this damn thing is in the living room. In the exact same place. I thingk the cat keeps dragging it out, but I never see her do it, and most of the time my bedroom door is closed. I never see her with it. But no matter where I set this damn thing. It ends up in the living room floor, in the same spot. Weird, unnerving. Is it a sign. Is it my dad's ghost fucking with me. Is it the home to a small clan of puppet spiders. I dont know but it is fucking with my head.

Anyway the video game show is going strong its fun. I still think I missed my calling as a producer. Oh well life is full of hopes and dreams. ANd its never all Puppy Dogs and Rainbows right.

Anyway, I am doing good. Thegut is not sliced into, I am bleeding internally. I miss a girl that was great. But she deserve happiness and I respect that.

And remember this fortune.

The early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.

I am not sure there is a sign in that one but I laughed at it when I got it this weekend.

Latz
Rob

Doing Okay

2007-10-19T20:25:00.000-07:00

I wanted to let you guys know I am doing okay. I am having that knife in the gut feeling that heartache brings. Do you ever know what the hell causes that. Cause it feels like a knife, twisted, stabbing right into your heart.

I hope it goes away. It was not as prevelant as it was when my wife left me. I am not sure, maybe it was time we were together, or maybe the fact that we never even kissed or anything. But it did hurt, and I was just shocked out how she just forgot I ever exsisted. Not a peep from her. Maybe she expected me to talk to her. But I know where I am not wanted. I can take a hint. I have gotten good at this over the years.

So thats it. I am official finished with relationships. Done. There is no point. Women treat me like I am a placeholder in their lives. So when something better comes along they can jump to that. It happens with every women I care about.

Your great. I like hanging out with you.

Hey I am busy ant talk to much right now. I will catch up with you.

I am not in for a serious relationship

Hey there your cute, no I aint talking to anyone.

Sigh Bad Luck.

I feel like I live in my own version of Good Luck Chuck.

We could call it No job Rob. You date me, break my heart and you move on to better things. No need to look back. He will pick himself up and walk away.

Whatever. But I will be okay. It hurts because this truly was the only girl in the whole world I truly knew I wanted a future with. I guess as Great as I knew she was, its hard to believe no one else would discover it.

But you know I only wasted 2 years pining over a girl, thats a little shorter time than wasting 7 years right. And trust me they feel like wasted years when they abandon you.

Oh well good night

Rob

My Weekend

2007-10-16T19:59:00.000-07:00

Hey guys. Can you tell when I am depressed I write in this thing more often. I would like to think the ladies for the kind words on my budding novel.

As Depressed as I have been. I had a real good Sunday. I looked forward to it all weekend. My show has been a saving grace this week. With everythng going on, it gave me something to look forward to. Plus it gets me out of the apartment.

But I like doing the show, even if it was a big mess this weekend. Phil's wireless went out after Josiah tried to fix it. We absolve Josiah of any wrong doing, and we think Phil's Cable we used to do the show was bad. After we replaced the router, everything went good. But the show was over at that point.

One guy told us he only bought a webcam just for our show. So he is our number one fan. I do have to say that the show needs an explicit tag. We got a little blue, and thats not my normal communication style.

I have never heard anymore from Melanie. I think that is what bothers me the most. I sent her the last message on Monday of last week, and never heard back from her. I feel pretty rejected. I mean I was very good to her, I did nothing to hurt her, she can't even let me know that she found something better. My feelings are going to be hurt either way. I am not mad. Just thought she would continue to talk with me or something. :(

After we did the show and returned from Circuit City with the new router, and instaled it, we hung around for a little bit. Then Josiah and I went to meet Bryan at a Hacienda. Then we called Jesse and went to Borders.

He brought his Niece and Nephew with him. His Nephew is funny. We verbal berate each other, but I like him. He may join us for future episodes of the show.

Its funny, it started out the Phil and Rob show (phil-n-rob'd)now we have become an empire. I am not sure how we will get everyone on the camera. Phil, Jesse, Josiah (Paul), Brian the PC guy, and Jacob sometimes.

Most of all these people I had not seen since the incident at the Friend's House with Melanie.

I thought about making shirts at CafePress and selling them, but I may need to talk to my friend and see if he has worked on my logo first, I hate to use the real shitty logo for the shirts. Its not like they will sale or anything, but I want one for myself to wear during the show.

Sorry to talk about the show so much, I have another blog for that. But anyway everyone have another good night. And I will try to wipe away the Emo.

Later
Rob

Chapter One: Novel

2007-10-15T20:47:00.001-07:00

Here is the complete first chapter of my newest novel to never be finished. I hope you enjoy. Give me feed back if you wish

1
The diner was busy. A normal October day. The older gentlemen sat in the corner sipping coffee and talking about the weather. Rain was on the way, and with it, the temperature was going to dip into the lower 40's. Already you could feel the change in the air.
Russ sat by himself, nursing a diet soda. His knee would not stop bouncing. It was like this when he was nervous or excited about something. Every sip of the soda was like a job interview death sentence. He had an hour before his latest job interview. And he feared for his delicate white shirt, and every few seconds he would adjust his tie.
He had been out of work for a few months. It had been a terrible few months. The weeks seemed to have gotten worse. Loose your job one month. Your girlfriend the next. And in times like this you really forget to believe in something. Hell you forget to believe in anything.
The thunder came rolling in next. Everyone watched excitedly. There was something about rain. Most people fall into two categories. Those who like the rain, and those who it ruins there whole day. There is something comforting in fall rain. The way the fallen leaves glisten. And float down the rivers or the passing lane. Like life really. It always flows. You can't stop it, unless you build up barriers. And Russ knew something about barriers. He wish he had never taken his down to begin with.
Russ had been married. It was the happiest time in his life. Having someone who understood you, loved you, wanted the best for you. They had wanted kids. He had dreamed about kids. And when his wife had gotten pregnant it was the downfall of his marriage.
She always blamed him for the loss of the pregnancy, and it made him guilty. He had put to much stress on her. After all she made all the money in the household. If she could have stayed home, the child would still be alive. She never would have been at work that day. A the guilt began to eat away at him this morning, and that was not a good sign. A lone tear washed down his face, and he knew it was life, we all flow from water.
The diner was situated in a large city block. The high rises here however were only 20 stories at the tallest. But a city is a city. The waitress smiled as she came over to ask if he needed a refill. He placed his hand over the tall plastic glass.
“You sure your okay hon?” The waitress asked him. She placed a delicate hand on her left hip as she held the pitcher of diet soda out. He could smell a sweet fragrance of apple and lilacs. He shook his head and watched as she walked on back over to the counter.
The little bell dinged as another straggler came in from the thunder and wind. He was wearing a dirty and ripped green jacket. Something from an Army Surplus store. He was dark skinned, and had a fuzzy white beard. Like he was the African American version of Santa Clause. He walked past Russ and towards the table of the elderly gentlemen.
“Can I trouble any of you men for a few dollars, I was hoping to get a breakfast and some coffee.” He asked, and as I listened I could feel the shame radiating off him. I knew people, and this man was down on his luck. Of course you did not have to be psychic to see that.
“Mam,” I motioned to the waitress, “ Get this gentleman anything he wants.” I was not a rich man, but I believed in Karma. And I needed all the luck I could get. And buying a poor homeless man really could not go toward ruining my day.
The homeless man sat in the booth with me. I was surprised. Although his clothes had seen better days he was well groomed and manicured. There was no offensive odor. In fact he smelled better than the older gentleman bathed in cologne and baby oil.
The pretty little blonde waitress came back over to take his order. I was shocked when basically repeated my order right down to the diet coke. You never really think of homeless men drinking diet coke.
His eyes were piercing blue. Clear, strong eyes. They seemed to float in front of his face. And they starred right into Russ' soul. “Look at you ol' buddy. You got a little thing for that waitress there ain't ya?” His accent was southern, maybe Georgia.
“No.” I paused trying to phrase my next words. It almost seemed like this was some kind of test. His eyes watched me intently. As if he was sizing me up, judging me even.
“Son, don't lie to me. I would be all over something like that. I guarantee.” His accent seemed to shift to a Cajun one. He let out a hearty laugh. Russ felt sorry for him. He thought he might have been one of the Katrina Transplants. Nowhere to go, and now he travels North looking for a place to belong. In a way, the two of them were no different.
There was not much talking between the two of them. When the waitress brought his food, he ate it politely. Not like a starved man. I filled up my drink after all. Paid the tab. The waitress smiled at me a few more times. Every time I felt the man kick me in the shin, like we were in second grade all over again.
His smile was just as strange as everything else about him. His teeth were pearl white. And for someone who may have been living on the streets his attitude was jubilant. When the waitress came over for the last time, he looked up at the pretty waitress that smelled like a lilac field in the middle of an orchard.
“Mam. I have a question for you.” He paused for her to smile.
“Go ahead, sir.”
“Do you have a young man in your life?” She seemed to be take aback for a split second but maintained her composure. She did not seemed offended just shocked.
“Well sir, I don't. I did until a week ago. Long story. And I have a feeling one of you has placed to be.”
“Well I was wondering if you would be so kind to give this man here your phone number?”
Russ looked toward the man, his face had turned as red as the ketchup bottle she had in her smock. He was not sure how to react. And the waitress had even blushed.
“Well I may have to think about that. Maybe he should be the one to ask me.”
Russ again felt the kick in his shins. And the gentleman stood up. Proclaiming he had to go. He touched the waitress hand, gentle squeezing her palm between his thumb and forefinger. She snapped her hand back, not like she was appalled but more like you get hit with a small jolt of static electricity.
“Well, I can tell you. A good man is one who pays for another's privilege. And this man gave me three. His company, meeting you and the excellent meal by your staff. I am truly blessed this day.” He pulled a sock cap out of his coat. And pulled it over his ears.
“It was nice meeting you Russ.” The man held out his hand. Russ went to take it, and instead the man grabbed his palm the same way as the waitress. And he felt the same jolt that he imagined she felt. And a slight burn. Followed quickly by slight nausea that quickly faded.
And he left. Russ felt his hand tingle. Like it had fallen asleep. He looked at his watch. He still had 30 minutes till it was time for the interview. He watched the office building across the street. He knew after today his entire life would be different.
The waitress slid across from him in the booth. She ran her slender delicate fingers through her blonde hair. In front of her was a plate with cherry pie.
“So is this a game the two of you play or something?” She looked across at Russ quizzically. “Because if it is, you could have just asked me for my number. I would have given it to you.” She pushed the plate across the table to Russ. Pinned to it with a little plastic sword was an order card, and written on it was the waitress' name and phone number.
“By the way. My name is Becca.”
“Russ.” He held out his hand to her and she shook it.
“Hey Russ, I don't give my pie to just anyone. You got a good heart. Most people would not have done that you know.”
“What can I say. I always try to help some one in need.” He took a fork full of the pie, and watched in horror as a rebellious cherry rolled down the front of his shirt and tie.
If only that had been the worst part of his day.
* * *
Russ rolled off the mattress in the corner of the hotel room. His shoulder was still burned. Several men were sleeping on other mattresses spread out among the room. You never knew how much a bed frame meant until you sleep on a mattress on the floor.
Joe had just walked into the room when Russ was getting dressed in his fatigues. He was pale. And Russ knew this day was going to be bad.
“What is it Joe?” Fear was working its way into his chest. He did not need anymore complications. He only wanted to do one thing. Get these people they were meeting to safety.
“We have to leave. We can't stay here.” He became frantic, and started waking up others. Some where already panicking and grabbing their weapons. Joe motioned for Russ to follow him out. Stepping out of the room was like stepping out into a nightmare.
Everywhere around them, buildings had crumbled. Cars were everywhere in the streets. And the awful white dust blew into your eyes. The dust that had covered everything. The dust was 99% of what used to be the population of City of Evanston. Every time Russ seen it, he would have to hold back the nausea.
He knew why Joe had panicked. At the corner of Main and First Street was another element of terror . It floated around, searching for something. It was a large chrome orb. Black tendrils seemed to whip around it as it moved. It did not float around like a balloon but more like a dragonfly. It was jerky and not smooth. But those tendrils pushed it off walls, moved debris. We gave these things the nickname Beholder Orbs. They reminded Russ of a creature from the Dungeons and Dragons Monster Manual.
And to think, a year ago. The scariest thing he had to worry about was going to a job interview with a stain on his shirt.

Is it Worth Believing in Anything

2007-10-13T13:08:00.000-07:00

My mom was talking about God today. My uncle fell off a barge while he was working. And he was in between two barges. He said he watched as they began to clank together, and he had backed as far back as he possible could, and he knew he was dead. So he closed his eyes.

Something stopped the barge from striking and killing him. He decided that after that, he needed to change his life around. That he had to find God. And so last Sunday he was saved.

I feel again like I have lost my faith again.I feel lost. I feel hopeless. Not the same as when my wife left me. But more a betrayl from God. I dont talk about this because it makes me sound crazy. I worry people will think I am Obsessed. Its simply not true. I just fell for someone. Nothing new.

But I seen to much into something. I can remember standing in that bank line talking to her. It was after the card was left on the car and she never called. And as we talked, I heard a voice in my head. Not my own voice. Who knows where it came from, but I felt it was God or some Angel.

It only said one sentence. You Will Marry This Women. And that stuck through the rest of the day, how ridiculous that statement was. I gave her the oppurtunity and for whatever reason I was turned down.

That saturday I was out with friends. My fortune cookie said, "Someone is interested in you." Several jokes were made. But I never thought anything else about it. It was the same saturday that I would come home to find a message from her. Silly thinking about it now right.

I was so full of hope after that. My life became more positive. People seen a dramatic improvement. It was hope. I felt that destiny had discovered me again. Like that rascal Flatts song. God Bless the Broken Road that Lead me Straight to you.

But is there a such things as fate.. destiny and faith. There were things that gave me hope with her. I would sometimes dream of kids. Kids that were obviously mine and her's. Maybe I should stop, I dont want to sound crazy. But I could see them, and there were three of them. One daughter, and two sons. When I was married I never really could see any children. I always was frustrated when I heard that saying, you can see the unborn cildren in her eyes.

But by believing. I got hurt. I fell betrayed. And part of me just can't see why if there is a God. That he can keep letting me get hurt. Am I being tested. If I am I obviously failed because I lost faith. I doubt his existance. Why can anyone believe in taking everything you care about. Is my life really Pandoras Box. Did I stand around with my heart open to long and let Hope out.

I guess that is why they call it faith. But honestly I would rather be the one to step out of the boat, and walk on water, as long as I believed.. then to stand by and watch everything taken from me and be able to do nothing.

I am not mad at her. Like I said before, this has become between me and whatever holds sway over the universe. She was just some silly girl who said hi to me, that I thought I was cute.

Have you ever been in love? Horrible isn't it? It makes you so vulnerable. It opens your chest and it opens up your heart and it means that someone can get inside you and mess you up. You build up all these defenses, you build up a whole suit of armor, so that nothing can hurt you, then one stupid person, no different from any other stupid person, wanders into your stupid life...You give them a piece of you. They didn't ask for it. They did something dumb one day, like smile at you, and then your life isn't your own anymore. Love takes hostages. It gets inside you. It eats you out and leaves you crying in the darkness, so simple a phrase like 'maybe we should be just friends' turns into a glass splinter working its way into your heart. It hurts. Not just in the imagination. Not just in the mind. It's a soul-hurt, a real gets-inside-you-and-rips-you-apart pain. I hate love.
Neil Gaiman

Well I continue on this new miserable path. I can see the storm clouds rolling in, and the bridge looks out ahead. And Is that some kind of glowing eyes I see watching me from the treeline. God, I really hope its not Chuthlu. But the way m life has gone recently, it probably is. Cthulu (Artist Rendition)

See you guys later

Rob

HeartBroken

2007-10-11T05:59:00.001-07:00

The run of bad luck continues.

Mel has found someone else. I cant blame her, he seems to have his life in order. I am not sure when the hell my life is going to improve.

She deserves happiness, I knew it was to good to be true. I think it is my lot in life to be miserable. I am not sure why I can't get ahead. I mean since I was with her I had hope. I had hope for a future, I had hope that she would fall in love with me.

I knew I should not get attached, but my stupid ass had to go and fall in love. I am done, you know. I can't keep going through this disappointment. Everytime I find some one I want to be with some one always shows up and takes them away fom me.

I am not mad at her, she deserves to be happy. And she will be more happy with someone who can provide security for her. I know she does not want to hurt my feelings, so I will just not talk to her online or anything anymore, so she wnt really know how sad I am.

You know, I am not Job. I keep saying that. You have to have hope. But there are times like this whe I have down, and I still feel like God is kicking me while I am there.

Have A good day.

I have an Ouchie

2007-10-03T19:22:00.001-07:00

Okay, I tried to grow a Goatee. This is funny in its own right because, well it looks like I have dirt on my chin. In fact it had become a little joke between Mel and I after I told her I would post a pic on Myspace.

Well the first problem I had was that below my lip broke out. I shaved it. And it went away. This morning I woke up to find that a bad pimple has formed where it was growing on my my chin. ANd it must have gotten infected. I am not sure how I am very clean person. But now my left cheek feels pretty numb. I am hoping to pop it, but not having much luck. It is very painful.

Disgusting I know, and it is also causing my cheek to swell a little bit (I feel like I am injected with novacaine)

Mel would probably tell me its my negatvity pooling in my cheek. She was concerned with me earlier in the week when I changed my mood on myspace to pessemistic. :)

Yesterday I got more bad news. I can not get my 401 k. If I get it I loose my unemployment. SO I have decided to keep it in for now, until I get another job. I was really looking forward to paying off my laptop. Oh well I guess a $15 a month payment wont be too bad til I get the money. Now if I can just get my Uemployment. Its still held up. I am getting really aggrivated.

I did my first VideoGame Show on Operator 11. I think we did pretty good, I am hoping to gather more viewers this Sunday. (1:30 PST, operator11.com 3:30 Central) Its called Philnrobdgames. Look into it if you like. And be sure to watch the first episode. It has all the production value of a Local Accsess channel.

I actualy think I missed my calling. I should have gone in to Production. I am kinda good at it and I enjoy it, man to be young and be able to do it all over again. Lot of things I would have changed. Like not growing a goatee and having a small continent growing on my face. I think they are lighting a bonfire right now.... BRB

Okay back, I went and got an ice cube. Awww relief.

Anyway I have to get off here. I would post pics of said goatee, but you could not realy see it on my face anyway. Now the small continent that as just entered the ice age. I think I seen that thing on Google Earth

Have a good night

Aggravated

2007-09-27T12:01:00.000-07:00

I am just so aggravated. My unemployment has not come yet, be case when I filled it out, I said I recieved vacation pay. I thought I was supposed to receive vacation pay, but I did not. And besides that it was only one day.

Now my check is in Bureaucratic Hell. I had to mail off a stupid form, and other crap. Its just a headache. I am just so fed up with everything right now. I m frustrated and worried and nothing has gone right in the last month.

I will be alright. I hope.

Robert

Unemployed: Week 2

2007-09-19T18:53:00.000-07:00

Feel Like I am getting into the groove of being unemployed. Yes sirre Bob.

I have played alot of video games. Went to the unemployment office. Filed paperwork to get my checks. Which is a bunch of buecratic Bullshit in my opinion. They want you to sign up online. So i worked in Indiana, but I live in kentucky now. I go to INdiana agency. They tell me since I live in KY, I need to sign up in Ky... I go to KY they tell me all my hours are in IN, So i have to fill out a form. And it is going to take me a week to hear something from them.

So I am waiting to hear from that. Then I am going through the step to get my 401k back. I need it to buy me a decent car, pay off all my laptop, and my credit card, and I plan on getting a PS3. I am a gamer who is running a Video Game blog site now.
phil-n-rob-d games if you like games check it out. I plan to try to include my wit and humor for everyone to enjoy.

Now to my rant of the week. I will never buy anything from Best Buy Again. Ever. I got my laptop back this week. But they failed to send back a key component. MY AC ADAPTER. So my laptop is as useless to me right now as it was when i sent it off. They are trying to locate my AC Adapter, and in the mean time they told me... tough luck. They could not even give me a universal Adapter. I dont give a shit if it cost you A $100. I did not loose my ac adapter. They lost it. And i cant use my laptop. And I am freakin pissed. Excuse my language.

And the week started out so well. Sunday night I got to talk to Mel for a couple of hours. I miss her. Soon i will have a little money again to take her out. I just hope she understands. I feel like a real looser right now. Oh well All things happen for a Reason right.

On to some better stuff. If you did not watch the new show Kid nation, i recommend you check it out. This is the show that survivor should have been. Its almost like they are making a TV show of the Lord of the Flies.

I mean the first episode I thought two of the kids were going to come to blows. Man if I was younger i think this would be the first show i could have survived in. They put this kids through more crap than those whiny asses go through in Survivor.

Anyway, just wanted to say hey to everyone. I know things will get better. I just miss my laptop, i miss Mel, I miss the customers at my old job. Well at least the good ones. I miss having a purpose.

Halo 3 is only 5 days away. this time Monday night i will be getting in the shower, and driving over to the halo 3 launch party at my local Eb games to pick up my game. Afterwards, me and Dennis(AKA xDisturbed Onex on Xbox Live) are going to spend the night putting the co-op mode through its paces. I will keep you updated onPhil-n-Rob-d Games

have A Good night.

And keep a lookout for the phil-n-Rob-d Video game show on operator11.com

Unemployed: Week One

2007-09-10T17:42:00.000-07:00

Man, I told Mel that i think unemployement is one of the 7 layers of hell. I am so used to having a job that it is driving me insane not having one. The highlight of my week was signing up for unemployment. How sad is that. I dont know how people do it. I have rented every new Xbox 360 game that has came out this week, and I am still bored with all the hours in the day.

Mel has been busy. She is such an Amazing women, I am so proud of her. She lost most of her grant money, but is determined to finish college in the next two years. She had to take a student loan out to do it. I wish i could do something to help her. She is going to be busy for awhile though between work and School. So we wont get to talk as often, and now I dont even get to see her at the bank.

But she has taken the time to send me emails to check on me. And i know how much she hates writing long emails. But I appreciate them. And i send the boring parts of my day looking for funny pics to put on her Myspace page.

I have talked with my friend Phil, we are going to do a video game show on Operator11.com. I am not sure what the show will be called. Nor when we will start. I have to get my laptop back, and I have been going on a week now of... Repair in Progress. I am saying that I would not buy a computer from Acer anymore. Its rediciulous that it is taking this long to get it done. Hopefully it will be back this week.

Games I have played this week on Xbox 360: Bejeweled 2, Blue Dragon, Stranglehold, Medal of honor: Airborne, Stuntman Ignition, Streets of Rage 2, Graw 2, the Call of Duty 4 Multiplayer demo. My butt hurts from sitting in my recliner so long.

Nothing really exciting going on at the moment.

Later
Robert

The Week has not started out Well

2007-09-04T21:52:00.001-07:00

Well I come into work this morning, as always. And before the store opens, my DM shows up out of the blue.

"We are closing the store down this morning, I am supposed to tell you to go home and we will call you later."

It just pisses me off. I am worried that i am not even going to have a job anymore. And they dont have the decency to tell me. I have worked here for 9 years, and I just feel like they should make sure they have a spot for the loyal employees. Just because the decide to close down a store in the area, does not mean my bills stop coming.

I am scared. I have never not had a job in the last 12 years of my life. They are supposed to be having meetings to see what the plans are... shouldnt you had those first, I am not sure what to do. If I dont hear from them I am going to go file umemployment, I would rather have a job, I am not one of these people who can sit around and do nothing.

I cried today, you know its the first time that I really cried in a long time. in fact i dont think i have cried since I met Mel. I am tired, i cant sleep, I am worried, and the only time I felt better was when I talked to her.

If I dont have a job anymore, I am going to take my 401k and get me a better car, and pay off my bills. But I would rather be working.

Oh well, what can I do.

I will worry myself sick tell I hear something. this has ruined my entire week. I was wanting to see if Mel wanted to do something this weekend, now I need to hold back on money constraints, til I find something out. And the worst part is, i wont get to see her anymore at the bank.

I know everything will work itself out, and I truly believe that, but i just wish i could be happy without having all these problems, this is the first year I have felt like life was getting better since the divorce that damn near ripped my very soul out.

most of the people i worked with called me tonight. The first thing they wanted to know was A. What happened, and B. Am i okay. It was good to know people cared.

Also my laptop is still in the shop. They have had it a week and have not even started working on it. I mean come on. I need it back at some point. I need to write my novel and such.

Well sorry my thoughts are so incoherent, I am tired stressed and a little ashamed. I dont like being at the mercy of others. I am stubborn that way.

Good night

Laptops, Friends, and Honor

2007-08-25T16:16:00.000-07:00

Hey guys, thought I would send a quick shout out to everyone on here. Its been one of those weeks.

On Sunday, my new laptop that is only three months old, took a swan dive out of my hands when i was getting up. The cable was wedged under a closed cabinet door, and when I stood up, the cord had no give. And neither did the ac adapted, there was a ripping from the inside of the comnputer. So it will no long charge.

I looked for a number for Acer computers, and guess what. They dont list one. The only way that they talk to you is you have to email them and wait 3-4 days for a response.

This happened Monday, I did not get an email back til Friday. And there response was, take it back to best buy. And best buys response, we will send it to Acer, it is under warrenty and they will fix it. So I have no clue how long that will take. :(

Well there was a big blow up on Sunday. (the Monday post i made this week was actually written on Sunday, but did not get posted til Monday because of the screwed up laptop)

When I went over there on Sunday, i did not want to talk about mel getting her feelings hurt, and I was still upset that m Said "It was nice to meet you, we heard all about you, especially how you slept with Rob on the first date... Just Kidding" So i was not going to discuss it, because we all know it does not do any good to talk to m about such things because he never believes he is in the wrong.

So he sits there and ask me, "So how much did you have to pay her to come over here?" And let a fake little laugh.

"Nothing, but I dont think she will ever come back." Now she never told me this, but i was planning on never bringing her around them again. I was insulted, because she is a sweet, caring beautiful person. And the fact that I told them on several occassions not to make any kind of sex joke or something towards her.

m asked "Why?"

I responded. "Gee I dont know why she would want to come back, J called her stupid and you basically called her a Whore."

J started saying he was not calling her stupid, he was insulting the other girl. Now tell me how, "Wow and you guys used to make fun of V". I explined to him again that she is a sensative person, and her feelings were hurt. ( i mean how would you feel if people were making fun of you, calling you stupid, right in front of your face and you only met them twice in your life)

Then m tried to jump in to defend j. And i told him, "And you pissed me off with your comment" and he responded with the just kidding. Then he went into his little rant.

"The reason why i let you guys over here is because you guys are not easily offended, and if she cant deal with it well she needs to get over it."

I responded, "It was not her that was offended about your little joke. You offended me with it"

"Well then you need to get over it. This is my house and it was only a joke."

I shut up, did not say another word to them about, and then everyone went to go watch a movie. As we are leaving i told another of the group. "my game is being cancelled, I am not coming back."

I was told that, "I dont blame you" and I left.

Does anyone think i was in the wrong here.

I care about Mel, I think about her a hundred time a day. I would spend all my free time with her if i could, At no time have i ever thought she was stupid. And the fact, all he had to say was, I am sorry, instead he again says my feelings are not important, and that its his rules, like a 7 year old kid at a slumber party, my house and you are going to do what i say.

This is not the first time he has pulled this kind of crap. So i am done, I am out. this is my honor. I feel someone I care about was insulted. And the worst part is she had to suffer through what was supposed to be a happy time for her to meet the rest of my friends she had not, and then fact that he was the one that wanted to meet her so bad.

I will pertect Mel from anything i can. It is my duty as her friend. I honor her, and this was the upmost of dishonor. And when I seen he was not going to ever think he was wrong i wash my hands of the whole mess.

The rest of the group knows what is going on, and I have no ill feelings to them if they continue to hang around him. But i will not.

Anyway i just wanted to get it off my chest. Mel should have never been insulted, and i feel bad because i put her in that situation

Anyway going to run. i will update everyone on the laptop situation.

Saturday Date

2007-08-20T18:19:00.000-07:00

Last night Mel and I went out to the movies. We went and seen I Now Pronounce You Chuck and Larry. I did not have very high hopes for this movie. I heard so many bad things about it. But it was a very good movie, I laughed all the way through it, and so did Melanie.

Afterwards we went to eat at Steak and Shake. I had not eaten there in a while. I had a double steakburger, fries and cheese fries, and a Chocolate-Banana Milkshake. The milk shake was a little Icy, bur I enjoyed it all right. She really enjoyed it because she was starving. She told me she had not eaten all day. So by 4:30 she was pretty hungry. She got the same thing that I did.

I asked her what she wanted to do. She said she had a lot of bread in her car, her mom and her usually buy cheap bread and feed it too the ducks at Cracker Barrel, so she wanted to know if I wanted to do that.

Feeding ducks is like Battle Royale. Throwing one piece of bread can start a fight. Its also like being surrounded by a lot of ducks that see you have food. I thought I was going to have to throw myself in front of Mel and tell her to run.

After that we went to Petsmart. I wanted to get little Rosey a frisbee, we are planning a “family” outing. My mom, her mom, me, her, and Rosey. I think it is going to be fun. And her mom is excited to do it. Not sure when yet, but waiting for a weather cool down. So probably sometime in September.

Then after that I made my first folly. I took her to meet my friends Matt and Jeff. Matt has been telling me to invite her over and such. I was afraid because I know how Blue things can get over there. I dont know what it is but I can not figure out why they have to figure out some way to embarrass me.

Just before we leave Matt says, “we heard a lot about you , especially about how you put out on the first date.” Now I know he was joking, but it really did piss me off, thats the exact reason I did not want to bring her around. Not only that my friend Jarrod basically called her Stupid in front of her face because she did not know what a “wigger” was. It really hurt her feelings, and I felt so bad afterwards. I don't think I will be bringing her around there anymore. I really doubt she will even want to go over there anymore.

After that we went back to her place. We took Rosey her new toy we bougt her, We could not find a really small frisbee so we had to settle for an orange “witch” with a blacked out tooth. Rosey did not care at all, she thought it was awesome.

Mel's Mom, Lisa, sat with us in the living room for awhile. Her mom is a hoot too. And it feels good because she likes me. Then I tried to help get her computer in better working order. I am not sure if it will help but hopefully I will be able to figure something else out for her.

Do you want to know why this girl owns my smile. Its because she thinks about me. She went to the gas station and bought me a soda. Not just any soda. She bought me a Mountain Dew Game Fuel, because it had Master Chief and Halo 3 on it. I decided not to drink it. I am going to keep it, it is kind of special. She knew I was a Halo fan and bought me that.

She also spent 45 minutes at a gift shop in Holiday World to find me something that was not too girlish. She got me a keychain. That was a flip flop. And I put it on my key chain immediately. She also gave me some left over stuff her mom demoed. And she also gave me a nice huge bottle of Phat Farm Cologne. (Se told me that I did not stink)
But all in all I think this is the best time I have had with her, She is just so awesome. She makes me smile. I wish I could have gotten some pics but my camera battery was dead, it must have came on when I had it in my pocket. But I just felt more of a connection between us. Maybe I am just seeing things, we are just friends right now.

I really hated to leave, but I had to drive home, and I was already yawning.

So we cut it short, but I just feel really good about her.

So that was my Saturday night. Everyone have a great night.

Robert

Nothing to Say

2007-08-16T19:23:00.000-07:00

Nothing important to say, but I just wanted to say hey. It has been one of those weeks.Wish I had something important or exciting to say, but alas I do not.

Retro Blog: My First Melanie Post

2007-08-08T21:01:00.000-07:00

For those who might not have ever read all of my old blog. This was the first post about Melanie.

Tuesday, February 28, 2006
The Bank Girl

Well today I was at the bank. I look across the room to see the girl i like working the drive thru. I was a little disappointed, but hey what do I expect, luck is never on my side. At least I thought I would get another chance to talk to her on Saturday.

So I stand in line for a few minutes, glancing her way every other second. When she turns around... *GASP* What do I do, she locked eyes with me. I should look away, this is getting out of control.

Most of the time if I look into a girls eyes, I almost immediately turn into Robby McPussy-Pants and turn away. Its a survival mechanism that was installed when I was first interested in girls. If not for the internetI would never have gotten married... I am just to freakin nervous.

I did the only other thing i could think of, in a moment of absolute terror, I smile. Thakfully I stopped the smile before it resembled something that looked evil, I was going for Hi.. not... I AM SATAN NOW LET ME EAT YOUR SOUL.

What.. did I see that right, did she just smile back. Now she is walking almost towards me. Eyes are still locked. And she says, "Hello" and I think I squeeked out something that was supposed to be Hello.

She walked on by still watching me. I layed another smile, and i think again it may have been returned. This was already good enough for a second conversation for me. Two possible smiles, but no it contuned.

"So how are you feeling today, you were feeling bad last week, right?" She goes into the supply closet and turns around to listen for my answer and yes, that was a third smile. I got a smile, and concern for my wellbeing.

I panic, what do I do, what do i say. So i say the only thing i can get out of my mouth...

"I love you"

Just kidding, I reply, "I am doing a lot better this week!" And then I make a mistake I give a big thumbs up. I can feel everyone who knows me telling me that, that has to be the most retarded thing they have ever seen. I wait for someone to smack me on the back of the head for being so stupid.

"Thats good." and she starts passing back in front of me, and i tell her thanks for her concern, she smiles again and says, "no problem"

When she walks by, it is confirmed... there is no ring on that hand. None, I repeat none. I am flirting with a girl for the most part is not married or engaged.

And the thing is, maybe she is actually interested. Maybe she is just being friendly. But she remebered me, she locked eyes with me, and spoke to me. I feel like I am back in high school. I have never done this while "not" being behind a computer screen. No good can come of this. I need Hitch or something man.

YOUR ANTI HERO... what am I supposed to do... ack.. this is too much pressure.

Robert

There You Go

Ben's Wedding the Aftermath

2007-08-08T13:33:00.000-07:00

Dog Days of Summer

2007-08-06T10:23:00.000-07:00

Hey guys how is it going. All I can say about here is this. It Frickin hot. I mean Damnable hot, the hottest summer I can remember in the past few years. The temp is supposed to get to 97, and a heat index of 101 to 105.

It is going to be a bad week. And me without air condintioning in my car, I am not looking forward to that.

But lets quit talking about the weather and get on to something else. Melanie of course. I mean what else am I going to talk about. You may have heard in the video pocast that she changed her hair to brunette. I have not seen it yet, well besides a picture. But she is going to be gorgeous no matter what, I think.

She is going with her mom to the American Idol concert in St. Louis this Thursday night. This is something her and her mom plan for every year. I think it is kind of cool.

Last Sunday they thought her mom had a mouse in her bedroom. Her mom refused to sleep in there. So they both went and lay down in the living room. As they sat there talking. Her mom said, "Call Robert, see if he can come over and find the mouse." At this time it was Midnight. Mel said she was not going to do that to me.

I would have done it. To think that her mom already has me in the role of protector. That just makes me laugh. I can see the headlines now. "Sir Robert the Mouse Slayer". What can I say, my honor is my life.

I felt kind of bad, she talked to me for an hour the other night, on her birthday. She called me from a prepaid cell phone. And I did not realize that it cost her like $10 to talk to me for an hour. Her mom was on the main phone line. She was talking to an old friend of hers.

Keep their friend Eugene in your prayers. He is having a brain tumor removed. And he still has another the Doctors say is inoperatable. She said he is a real nice guy, and if Mel says someone is a nice guy them I take her at her word.

After hearing about the bridge collapse this week it has mad my commute to work frightning. I cross a huge bridge, that they are doing contruction on right now. I still have a hard time believing how that could happen I still think terrorism but they say no.

Anyway I am going to get off here. I may do a video podcast later. Let me know what you think about it. If I should keep doing it, or if my scares the hell out of you.

And Dave Santos, No.. Thank You

Ben's Wedding Day

2007-08-04T09:07:00.000-07:00

Here is my first Video Blog. If you have a webcam and want to do the same sign up with Operator11 AT operator11.com.

Chicken Eatin Weirdo

2007-07-29T16:55:00.000-07:00

Hey there good citizens of Mundanesville.

It took me a little longer to right this blog post this week. Its been a pretty good week. Mel and I went out to a concert in the park. Not many pictures were taken. It was raining off and on during the whole ordeal. But we had a great time, and more importantly she did.

We had gotten KFC before hand and ate before the concert. When we started packing up, this guy behind us asked if he could buy the leftovers. He was a weirdo, not sure if he was homeless although he looked like he had been drinking. My mom gave him the food, but he did give us $2 for it, Even though mom told him not worry about it.

Mel Told me that her mom would have had fun too, and I told her next time we will go out to the park and her mom and her Dog Rosey can go to. We will make a family date. She said that sounded like a lot of fun.

Next week is her birthday, but I already got her a present. I could not really find anything I would have liked to get her. But finally I made a decision. I got her an Ipod shuffle. Pink Ipod shuffle. Which I was worried to give her because I did not want her to think I was getting serious with an expensive gift. But in the end I buckled. I knew she deserved it.

Now I am not used to seeing this. I gave her the gift. And she almost started to cry. She wanted one of these so bad. I fact she had wanted to buy the Pink one also. So not only did I get the one she wanted, I even got her the right color.

She even called her mom on the way back to my apartment to let her know what she had gotten. Her mom was as impressed as she was. The next day she said that she had let her mom listen to it, and then when she took it back her mom did not want to get it back.

It makes me feel good. I feel like I got her something she may not have gotten herself. She total deserves it. For what she has helped me through. I almost shed a tear thinking about how excited she was about it.

Its funny, next we it will have been a year since I gave her that birthday card. The one that did not have my number in it. I just can't believe I am now hanging out with her. Things really can turn around. There always will be pain, but there always has to be hope. I hope that I can continue hanging out with her for the foreseeable future, I like the way she makes me feel.

This week I also bought the Halo Games again, used. I wanted to play through both of them, since I never finished them before, and the final one comes out in September. I am finding that I have gotten lots better at FPS games. I have been blowing through the first game. And actual have been enjoying it.

In Two more weeks, the game I have been waiting for come out on the 360. Bioshock, I can hardly wait for it.

Anyway thats about all I have got for this edition of my blog. Everyone have a great night.

The Cool Breeze

2007-07-19T20:04:00.000-07:00

Well I am sitting here outside my apartment enjoying the cool air. It has been a misreable heat filled July here. And today we got a torrential downpour. I tried getting to the grociery store but most of the roads are flooded, so we had to hit another store instead.

The other night I was looking online for some things when I came across the engagment pictures of my ex wife. I thought that it would really bother me, and it really didn't. It did not even hurt to find out she was pregnant. I guess I knew it would happen. I really do hope she is doing well. I wish her or her child no ill will.

Will I ever have kidlitts of my own. Who know. Am I even able to have kids. Was God protecting me. Or am I just shooting blanks. I am not anywhere near thinking about kids. Mel is great but hey this relationship is nowhere near even discussing that. But I have these moments of thought where I just feel like if never have kids I have lead a wasted life. I feel it would be a shame for kids not to have a father like I know I could be.

All I can say in my life right now is that I am glad that I feel anything. That numbess is no longer there, I feel again. And that has made all the difference.

An old buddy I blogged about got a hold of me today. That was cool. Ed Healy, I guess he found me when he was googleing his own name. (What kind of Rock Star Minded Jerk googles himself, I mean you have to be real conceited to do that Just Kidding!!!!)

The poor boy is in Iraq though I hope he gets home safe. He has two little kidlitts of his own.

On to other things Mel and I had a great time looking up places on google Maps Satelite photos. We zoomed in on her house and could see her car parked in the driveway. You can see my old pick up in front of the House I once owned. In fact the Mcdonalds behind my apartment had not even been built in the photos. Its like in this little snap shot of life. Thats going to be around for awhile. Saying that once you were here, and did not even realize what was going on above you.

Everyone google your address and let me know whAt snapshot of your life was taken.

Anyway have a good night.

Robert

A Night of Bowling

2007-07-14T20:35:00.000-07:00

All in all we had a very good time, just dont rub it in that I beat her in two of the three games she gets easily discouraged. :) She is a real trooper. And look at that smile on my face first one I have had that does not make me look silly.

Next date she and I are going to listen to the music at the park here in Henderson. That should be fun.

Mundanesville

2007-07-06T10:12:00.000-07:00

Thats what my life feels like right now. Totally mundane. No excitement. Not that I want the bad kind of excitement, but something different would be nice.

ME and Mel are still talking and such. Nothing realy new there. She had a scare the other night at a night depsosit box at the bank. (Not her bank) Some guy tried to get her attention, and it scared her so she tried to drive away and he followed her to a MCdonalds parking lot. And eventually he drove on. She was pretty shaken up by the entire ordeal and I can not say I dont blame her.

Well my conspiracy X game is getting closer to being started. Which is awesome. The group is really giving me some really good ideas. Some of the characters are really off the wall.Definately a differnt dynamic then before when I ran the game.

Also as I am typing this I am actually doing my best to watch the screen also. After all these years of hunting and pecking my brain has done a good job of memorizing where the keys are even thought I had not realized it. So I am pratacing actual typing now. Although it messes with my head reading while typing, how do you guys get used to that.

I hope everyone had a nice 4th. I had to work 4-8 which was okay because fireworks are no biggie to me anymore. Not since I was a kid, and when I was married I was rarely allowed to use them because she was afraid I would burn the house down. And she probably had a good reason to believe so. :)

You know I guess I have kind of mellowed out. Maybe it is the combination of finding God again, or Melanie showing me that there is sunshine under those dark clouds. But I feel like I truly have forgiven my ex wife. So I hope she is doing well.

I guess that is what happens here in Mundanesville, USA, population 1.

What did I do on my 4th of July. I played Xbox 360 of course. I played overlord for like 5 hours that day. Awesome fun game. The achievements and some of the ones you really have to work for and I like those kind of achievements.

Something else I noticed typing like this, I catch more of my mispellings this way, unless I just am not sure how to spell the word to begin with.

I watched a pretty goood movie last night. The Astronaut Farmer I recommend it when it comes out on video next week.

Okay and for one final thought I wanted to give a shout out to a link I have on the side of my blog. The conspiracy X blog. Some of you guys may not know why its there besides the fact that I am running said game.

Well Con-x to me was the greatest role playing table top, pen and paper game there was. And every month, they would hold a Meet the Writers on the 23rd. And I showed up December 23rd and I was the only guy there and I became friends with Ed Healy who used to be a the Eden Studios web guy.

Well I had a fan site to the Conspiracy X game. And on this site I had a story I was writing about the game with Characters I had created. Con-x was like the X files. Except characters come from other goverement agencies than just the FBI.

My story revolved around a Latino DEA agent with Raven black hair named Asil Pschecho, and a reluctant Psychic named Curtis Keighly. Well my website started getting traffic from fans of the Conx game. People loved my story and the Ed asked me to write story for the website, a choose your own adventure style story.

Needless to say it stunk, I was not very good at writing in a choose your own style, but it is still up on the website I think. But [please dont read) its there.

This lead to me getting to be a playtester for other Eden Studios games and even writing part of the Angel Role playing game. You know the only published work of mine. But I thought that would be an interesting story to share with those I have not bored to tears at this point. And this was a good typing exercise for me, everyone have a good weekend.

Robert

This Blog is Rated AO by the ESRB

2007-06-26T09:34:00.001-07:00

>
Wow its been one of those weeks. Be warned this is going to be a Geekfest

First on my agenda. Video Games. Last week here in the states a game called manhunt 2 for the wii and ps 2 recieved an AO rating (Adults only) Soon afterwards it was banned from being released and there has been a terrible backlash from people about this.

How come the politicians are not up in arms about movies like Hostel (Quality alone should have kept movies like that from making theaters) There is nothing I have read about Manhunt 2 that make me believe it is any worse than the movie Hostel.

Now The ESRB is telling websites that they ae not allowed to show gameplay clips from the game "The Darkness" because they are overly violent. They want all video game clips to be safe now for everyone.

When is this shit going to stop. I mean when are people going to realiz that games are not for kids any more. Nevermind th Wii. I am worried. I am woried that the ESRB is going to ban the game Grand Theft Auto 4. Because Clinton and Obama are trying to pass laws about how we purchase a gae, and even make it a felony to rent or sell violent video games to kids.

Its just so frustrating to me. Millions of people play games all the time and they dont kill people but it happens one time and people have a scapegoat. Games are entertainment. Just like movies. Sure they are interactive but they are less realistic looking than movies.

Anyway moving along.

I am a Game master again. Starting this week hopefully I will begin running a game of Conspiracy X. Its a pen and paper Rpg based off an X files and Conspracy based world. At first people seemed to be not interested as much but people are getting in a better mood for it this week. I miss game mastering its good for me. It opens up my creativity and lets me breathe.

I actually have started writing more here and there, I am writing a short story right now about a Healer who is trying to save a year old girls life, who just hapens to be the child of his ex wife and her new husband. I actually think it is a good story, and has a twist of an ending. Maybe it wil eventually get finished.

Mel's Computer is acting up on her. I my have to give her my old computer if it keeps giving her trouble. I dont need it for anything since I got my laptop. I asked her if she wanted to go out this weekend but have yet to get a response. So hopefully we will.

My 360 came home Friday. I missed it so much. And what am I hooked on right now. Suprisingly, Pac-man Championship Edition. I am not sure why this game is so much fun, but it is. I keep trying to raise my score, but man some people are really fricking good at it. By the way ESRB I am 30 and I am playing a game rated E for everyone, do you want me to be arrested for pedophillia.

Anyway not much else to chat about today. So I am going to say adios amigos.

Robert

Happy Moving Day >:[

2007-06-16T20:13:00.001-07:00

Well I got moved in tonight. I am fficial living with my mom again at the age of 30. But it almost did not happen today.

My work schedule has been so odd the last couple of weks, so I had not realized Thursday Night that I had not contacted anyone to help me move. I mean everyone knew I was going to move but I was realy only counting on one person to need to help me.

Unfortunately Matt hut his back pretty bad, so Jeff had to stay with him. Josiah hd to work, as well as Jesse. So here it was 11:30 p.m. Friday night and I had no one to help me move.

Josiah said he was going to call Brian and Phil to see if they would help. If not it was no big deal because I had moved myself in, I could move myself out. So I schduled myslelf a Uhaul truck, 10 footer as the diagram blow shows.

The website said it was the right size to move an Apartment. Nothin specific, and really I had nothing realy huge besides my bed that needed moving. I had not much furnature either.

So I placed my order and got my confirmation email.

Now you can clearly see that my reservation date is for 06/16/07. So I was shocked and appalled that when I got there this morning that they have me down as picking up a truck tomorrow. Now Look, how does something this important happen. But I digress. So Brian and I are stuck. He needed help to move a couch and queen sized bed, and offered to share me the cost of said uhaul.

I went off on this guy, especialy when he tied to say I must have put in the wrong date on the computer. He did not even offer to call another Uhaul place and try to get me a truck. He told me the best he could do was he had one coming back at 3. Its 10 in the morning I was frickin hoping to be done by 3. We told him fine. Whatever. We would be back.

We were half way back to my apartment when we kind of got lost on some side streets. And Brian not being from around here, we just happened to pas a small Box Shoppe,and seen a Uhaul pulling out.

We stopped to check if they had anything. I had not much hope. Oh yee of Little Faith. They had one truck. Let me take that back, They had one Air craft carrier they could rent out.

Meet Big Daddy...

The 26' Uhaul. And Guess who had to drive it. Thats right me, til Phil arived to help. I have never driven anything bigger than a pick up truck. And I drove... or should I say navigated this thing all the way to Brian. Bran was not impresed with my road skills, and he looked like he was going to hurl any minute.

We got everything moved. We were done by 3:30 So I was only off by about 30 minutes.

But the moral of this story is this. If you have to move, call Uhaul and make the reservation don't trust the internet for important things like this.

Anyway, Have a good day.

Robert

PS Thank you for the help Brian and Phil, and Josiah thanks for helping bring the team together.

Blabbing on...

2007-06-13T07:09:00.000-07:00

Hello everyone,

I love the new lap top. It is everything I always wanted. I cant wait to have real time to settle in and start writing. Things are starting to calm down.

I am moving to Henderson hopefully on Saturday. They are doing some construction on the bridges that lead into Henderson, so I am going to rent a U-haul and get everything all in one load.

I have pretty much everthing packed up. I have some books to throw into a book bag, A closet full of clothes. I need to clean up the apartment today, but I am not feeling well. I know I am getting sick. I slept til 9 this morning. I have not slept til 9 in the morning for months. Unless I went to bed at 4 a.m.

Melanie is doing good. She returned from her vacation. I have to ask her if her and her mother had went to the tatoo shop. She said she wanted to get a tat, but was kind of afraid. She loves butterflies. I think she should get a pair of angel wings.

My Xbox 360 arrived yesterday to Mcallen Texas. Hopefully they get it fixed up and sent out today. I heard most people get an email saying it has arrived and 4 hours later they get one saying that it has left. I really miss my 360.

Prince of Persia classic was released today. I want to play it so bad. I remember playing Prince of Persia on the Super nintendo and just being in love with it. I was a hard game, and I put it in my top 5 acomplishments of video gaming.

I also have been playing Tomb Raider Anniversary. On The Ps2. I wish they would have brought ths out immediately on the 360. I know its coming, but I think it is going to be downloaded pack for the Legend game. Fine, whatever, but I will have to buy Tomb Raider Legend. I just feel like it is missing something on ps2... maybe it is because I am a graphics whore.

Oh see what happened there I went off to video game land. I did not mean to do that. Anyay have a good day eeryone.

Hendersonman Out

WANTED

2007-06-04T05:40:00.001-07:00

An Italian Contractor/Plumber to help me save a princess from a giant gorilla. The ability to jump barrels and use of a hammer a must. Also able to throw fireballs and the ability to grow after eating Hallucinogenic mushrooms a plus.

Never mind the Princess looks happy in th arms of said gorilla. If this is you please contact me as soon as possible. Thank you.

PS: If you brother wants he can come along to, just tell him to leave the ghost vaccum at home.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Hey guys Mel and I had a good time this weekend. We went to play mini golf Saturday night. It was fun and she stompd my ass. The last two holes it started to pour rain.

What is it guys when a girls hair gets all wet that they look so beautiful even though they thnk they dont.:)

Afterwards we went to Nick's pizza. And then back to my place to mess around with my laptop. (get your mind out of the gutter)

I love my new computer. I am still getting used to the keyboard and I am not to fond of the the Touchpad stuff. But other than that I like it. It even has Vista on it, and I really like it.

I tried to download Wolrd of Warcraft and pay it on here, but it really did not run it well. It maybe a screen refresh thing, or the lack of a decent graphics card. Its oay I do not need to get into a MMORPG honestly. They just suck up all your free time.

Mel stayed over until after midnight. She seemed to enjoy hanging out with me. I hung back and did not try to push here or anything. She seemed to understand that I respected her space. I just needed to know about boundries.

Anyway she is on vacation this week. So I wont get to really see her, she has a lot to do this week. Her step grandma is having surgery today. She is having a kidney removed.

I missed her, and I was glad she had a good time. She even text me the next morning to let me know she had a good time.

Anyway I am going to get off here and stuff.

Have a Good day everyone

Xbox 360 update

2007-05-29T09:52:00.000-07:00

Well I woke up this morning, and turned on the 360 it came right on. I shut it down and tried it several more times and the lights came back every time. I could not get back to sleep this morning so I just messed around on the internet.

An hour later i tried turning it on again, and it worked, and it worked every time since i turned it on. I even put a disk in and it did not give me any trouble this morning.

I even played games online. So i went ahead and sucked up my pride, and crawld to the phone to call Microsoft again to let them know i scrounged up the money to send it in. (Mom again)

So I called them gave the refrence number. He told me it was going to cost $104 dollars,and took all my info. Then told me i needed to confirm it with someone else. When I got on with this guy, he told me that everything was going to be the same, however, they had extended the warrenty on my 360, so it was going to be free of charge.

I was nearly floored. Just 5 minutes ago they told me that it was going to cost me, and now I get it repaired, another ytear warrenty, and a free month of Xbox live. I feel really bad now for screaming at that guy over the phone last night, and let me tell you i gave him all kinds of hell. Granted it is not his fault, but then again there is a problem with these consoles and they need to quit hiding it.

I am a little nervous, I have a lot of Good Karma coming to me or something. I keep praying that it sticks around for a while.

+Getting a Laptop this week
+Getting the 360 fixed for free
+Melanie and i are going out on Saturday (for the first time in 2 months)

I am so excited about my lap top. I have always wanted one. And I plan to walk down to the riverfront with it and write, when I move in over here at my mom's. Thats happening soon.

Anyway everyone have a good day.

Robert

Red Ring of Death

2007-05-28T21:16:00.000-07:00

This is a sad day. My 360 died. April 14 2006- May 28th 2007th

They are going to charge me $104 to fix it. The message boards all over the internet have the same problem. I like 360 games, and if the wii or PS3 had anything worth playing I would buy one. but now i have pay to fix the console, or be out $400 and this is heart breaking.

Everyone go to All games (allgames.com) if you have a broken 360 and put your name in if your console broke. I am pissed off right now. And Majornelson is getting a personla message from me, not that it matters.

Crackdown or Crack Down

2007-05-26T07:05:00.000-07:00

Arghhh.

The Halo 3 beta is running right now. I love playing it. I have had so much fun playing it over the last week. I bought the game Crackdown to play the beta, but I also love the Crackdown game itself. I loved it so much that I decided to pay for the extra content.

Well I played a session of the beta this morning. I was having a good time, but decided I wanted to play Crackdown. So I reset the game, and my Xbox 360 locked up. I was frantic, I was for sure I had just gotten the Red Rings of Death. The game stopped loading.

After freaking out after restarting the system and seeing the xbox 360 logo on screeen,. waiting for the red rings... I removed the game. And loe and Behold the system started right up.

I look at my disk. And there is a fine crack down the center, which seems to have spread up into the disk itself. Great, this game no longer works. So now I am no longer able to play the game I paid $60 for, but now I cant even play the Halo 3 beta because the disk is the the only way for me to get into the beta. Not only that I am out the other $10 for the Extra content I purchased.

The only saving grace is that in a few weeks, after the beta ends. Stres with will be swamped with used Copies of crackdown and I will be able to get it really cheap. But it just bothers me, I take good care of my games, they are emaculate. So how did this little crack get in it. (I had noticed the small crack a while back, but it did not look like it had spread any)

So as of right now, I have a $60 coaster, featuring the Halo 3 Beta, and I am not happy about it.

Dirty Thirty

2007-05-14T19:21:00.000-07:00

I seen that on Manda the pug girl blog that she had a Dirty Thirty, and since I am turning thirty in a few hours, I thought I would answer these questions just for the hell of it.

The Dirty Thirty unknown facts/secrets about yourself:

1. Explain what ended your last relationship?
My last relationship ended when I could not bring myslelf to continue to chat with a boring girl. I still consider Melanie a current non relaionship since I talk to her for a few hours again last night :)

2. When was the last time you shaved your legs?
Never, since I am male

3. What were you doing this morning at 8?
Sleeping on my mom's couch, recovering from a night of watching the 5th season of Alias

4. What were you doing 15 minutes ago?
Watching Heroes

5. Are you any good at math?
I am actual pretty good at math in my head

6. Your prom night?
Went to my prom by myself. Because a friend of mine wanted me to look meanacing because he thought he might get attacked at prom. I was so bored, but at least a friend of mine danced with me. Hell I could not even get my ex wife to dance with me in public

7. Do you have any famous ancestors?
Not that i know about. But my Great Great grandma was friends with Jesse and Frank James and would have them over for dinner when they were not busy robbing banks

9. Do you know the words to the song on your myspace profile?
Yes, my song is from the one up show, a video game website, and it is quite catching

10. Last thing you received in the mail?
Bills

11. How many different beverages have you drank today?
Lemonade, Diet Coke, Water... so I am guessing 3

12. Do you ever leave messages on people's answering machines?
I find it best not to call anyone because I hate bothering people.

13. Who did you lose your CONCERT virginity to?
My high School Choir, or Alabama, take your pick

14. Do you draw your name in the sand when you go to the beach?
Nope, I was too afraid that my ex was trying to drown me teaching me to swim.

15. What's the most painful dental procedure you've had?
I have teeth pulled, and I am going to have to get a wisdom tooth cut out soon. Not looking forward to it.

16. What is out your back door?
Ummm, Back door... Apartment hello

17. Any plans for Friday night?
Yup Halo 3 Beta Baby

18. Do you like the ocean?
Its nice to look at, but I would not like to drown there

19. Have you ever received one of those big tins of 3 different kinds of popcorn for Christmas?
Not as a gift, but my mom would buy them occasionally.

20. Have you ever been to a planetarium?
Yes, it had been awhile

22. Something you are excited about?
Halo 3 Beta baby...

23. What is your favorite flavor of JELLO?.
orange
24. Are any of your great-grandparents still alive?
nope

25. Describe your key chain:
I no longer have a key chain

26. Where do you keep your change?
in my pockets to begin with, and the washer later on

27. When was the last time you spoke in front of a large group of people?
Me, large groups of people. Yeah anyways moving on... It had to be in 6th grade.

28. What kind of winter jacket do you have?
A small jacket, with a gibbs die casting label on it.

(29) Manda what happened to 29?

30. Do you sleep with the door to your room open or closed?
Yes, in case someone important leaves me a message on the computer :)

30 more:

1. When you looked at yourself in the mirror today, what was your first thought?
Wow, hair can stick up in that many angles

2. What's a word that rhymes with "DUCK"?
Muck

5. Who is the last person that called you?
Matt

7. What shirt are you wearing?
One of my three hundred big dog shirts. This one says Bite me

8. What were you doing 20 minutes ago?
Typing out the first 30

9. Name the brand of shoes you're currently wearing?
Socks by hanes

10. Dark room or Bright?
Dark

12. If you're in a room with two beds, which one do you sleep on?
Depends if someone is sleeping in the other one

13. What were you doing at midnight last night?
Playing Xbox 360

15. How do you like your eggs?
unfertilized

16. What's a word/phrase that you say a lot?
Yeah I know (With an accent from like in Little Brittan)

17.Who told you he/she loved you last?
My mom,

18. Last furry thing you touched?
Tizzy my mom's cat

19. How many drugs have you done in the last three days?
I dont do drugs.

20. How many rolls of film do you need to develop?
Zero

21. Favorite age you have been so far?
23

22. Your worst enemy?
Anyone who beats me on a game of Xbox live, which is nearly everyone at this point

23. What is your current desktop picture?
A kick ass Angel of War

24. What was the last thing you said to someone?
No luke I dont care about seeing your reptile

25. If you had to choose between a million bucks or to be able to fly, which one?
One Million Dollers!

26. Do you like someone?
Yes

27. The last song you listened to?
Not much of a musical soul

*I don't know what happened to question 28...*

I shall invent # 28...(invent your own 28).

28. If the future you came back and told you that you win a million dollars – but you live the rest of your life unhappy, would you try and change the future and not accept the money? Wow, good question. I am not sure how to answer that. I guess I would try to convince myself to not take the money

29. If you could punch 1 person in the face who's in your life right now, who would it be?
The person responsible for our jobs going over seas

30.If you could be anywhere right now, where would that be?
In the arms of a women who loves me, and who is not my mom. Or maybe England to see Masta Chi3f.

Bring the Pain

2007-05-10T17:18:00.000-07:00

Wow, sorry about the long stint between post. Just been busy doing nothing. And not had really much to talk about, nothing to talk about with Mel, been nothing else in my life really been worth talking about.

I had my meeting with Creditors this week, so I am pretty much debt free. I just have to do some kind of online pre-discharge course online, and that should be it. Man it all gets complicated to file now.

After the hearing, I went to see Spider-man 3. I absolutely loved it. I thought it was the best of the trilogy. I am not sure what movie people besides me were watching because I did not feel like it dragged at all. I thought the second one dragged on way more, and most people loved it. Maybe I liked it more than most because I was hearing how disappointed others were, and by the time I seen it, the hype was in the negative zone.

Wrote the first chapter of my novel. Chapter 2 is nearly finished. This is big for me, I have not finished a chapter in a book in a long time. Its like mywriters block is starting to fade away.

I miss Mel, I have a feeling she has totally lost intrest. She never is online anymore, she never answers my email, occasionally she will send me a mesage on yahoo messenger, she stil talks to me at the bank, but nowhere else, so I think in my heart its time to really cut my losses, I really wish I knew what happened. It just seems strange. Sigh, oh well, I have been alone before, whatever is supposed to happen will happen. I better not hear someone had something to do with this, so help me God.

I may have to give up the wonderful world of Tarot card readings, because I am too damn good at it. Seriously, the other night I found out more from a co worker that I should have ever found out. The poor girl started crying. No one wants to be so accurate at this that they hurt some one doing it.

My mom found out on Monday that they are closing down her plant, where she worked for 31 years. They are moving people around to differnt plants, she is nervous, she is afraid that they will try to get rid of her because she is older, she has a lot of senority, I am sure everything will be fine.

My life sometimes reminds me of this passage from , The latest Dresden files book:

You realize there are more flavors of pain than coffee. There's the little empty pain of leaving something behind-graduating, taking the next step forward, walking out of something familiar and safe into the unknown. There's the big, whrling pain of life upending all your plans and expectations. There's the sharp little pain of failure, and the more obscure aches of successess that didn't give you what you thought they would. There are the vicious, stabbing pains of hopes being torn up. The sweet little pains of finding others, giving them your love, and taking joy in their life as they grow and learn. There's the steady pain of empathy that you shrug off so you can stand by a wounded friend and help them bear their burdens.

And if you're very, very, lucky, there are a few blazing hot little pains you feel when you realize that you are standing in a moment of utter perfection, and instant of triumph, or happiness, or mirth which at the same time cannot possibly last-and yet will remain with you for life.

Everyone is down on Pain, because they forget something important about it: Pain is for the living. Only the Dead don't feel it.

Pain is a part of life. Sometimes it's a big part, and sometimes it isn't, but eithier way, it's part of the big puzzle, and deep music, the great game. Pain does two things: It teaches you, tells you that you're alive. Then it passes away and leaves you changed. It leaves you wiser, sometimes. Sometimes it leaves you stronger. Eithier way, pain leaves its mark, and everything important that will ever happen to you in life is going to involve it in one degree or another.

Its life right, I wish I felt like Febuary all over again. Sorry for the melancholy post this week. Its been awhile, pray that the next post will be a happy one again.

Robert

Who says you can't go Home again

2007-04-30T07:52:00.000-07:00

Hey guys, it looks like in a month or 2 I am moving back to my hometown of Henderson. My best friend is getting married (the one that is like a brother to me) and he had been living with my mom for the last 2 years. So i decided to do the right thing and move in with my mom for the next year or so. Since it is my fault she is in the predicament she is in.

The good news is I can afford to get me a better car this way, zand it helps me since i have to pay for a bankruptcy now. And mom is paying off one as well, (again thats my fault because i talked into filing bankruptcy, so my ex and her and I could all have a better life, ha)

I feel like a looser in some ways. I am almost 30 and going back to live with my mom. But i did it for 2 years on my own. I could have done more, but at least this way i can get back on my feet, and after a year move back home to Evansville, and find a better apartment. I will miss my freedom a little bit. My mom is not strict and i have never felt like that would be the problem, I just liked living alone.

I sent an email to Mel today telling her about all this. I had told her a few weeks ago that i was probably going to do this. She has seemed kind of distant lately, I am hoping she is just busy, it has been the last few weeks of school for her after all. I just kind of miss her. I hope we can continue to see each other, but if she decided that I am not what she is looking for right now, then I understand. she has a busy life right now. But we shall see summer is coming and I will actually be able to take her to the movies more often, and dinner and such. Plus she understands how life can be, she lives with her mom too.

The only real reason I tried so hard to make it on my own is because my ex told me I could not do it on my own. Plus i thought if I showed her i could she may see that i was not the irresponisble person she thought I was. And maybe that would bring her back. Ha, I cant believe I wasted so much time on her. Looking back, she really was not worth it. I wish I had known that 2 years ago. But it took Mel to break her spell on me. Its because of Mel i wanted to get my life in order. Its because of her I was able to throw out the junk in my closet. So i have to believe that God has his plans, and if it is meant to be then it will always find a way.

So when they say you cant go home agian, well they lie. you can.

Now on to some other things.

I played with a Wii for the first time yesterday. I kind of enjoyed it. i still think it is a fad and i still believe it will be something in a few months time that will be sitting in the corner collecting dust. But for what we did with it last night, its how it is supposed to be played.

A group of friends gathered around a tv, laughing and talking and shooting one liners at each other. but i do not think it will be as exciting in a few days when you are just by yourself, playing with your wii. But it maybe one of the first things i buy after moving in with my mom, because I am a hardcore gamer. And I do want ever console.

i started writing again. I have trouble writing because I could never get my story structure correct. ut I mapped out the first 13 chapters, and you know what, the story I am tryig to tell actually makes sense, and i can also write different chapters now, so if i get stuck on one part of a chapter I can skip it and come back later. Now I just have to learn how to use more flavor text.

Got the new Dresden Files novel from the library. it is pretty good so far. I think Jim Butcher is becoming my favorite author. He can keep you entertained, and turning the pages one after the other after the other.

I also have been playing alot more Rainbow 6 Vegas online since they brought out the new maps, it is so much fun.

Anyway gotta run. I hope everyone has a wonderful day.

Robert

VT, Video Game Violence and life as Usual

2007-04-22T21:43:00.001-07:00

I hae started trying to write this blog three times this week. Its been one of those weeks. It could have been a lot worse, but man could it have had a lot of improvememnts.

Virgina Tech was awful. I looked for as much info about the crime as i could find. Because i already knew what it was going to be blamed on. And Two douche bags were there to give there expert testimony as to the cause.

Jack thompson wasted no time throwing in his 2 cents about video gamre violence. Even before the killers age or name was released he already had his cause... Video Game violence.

It was a refreshing change however this week. People came to the aid of Video Games, this has never really happened before. Rush Limbaugh stood up for gamers. He was quoted as saying that video games did not cuase this, this was the cause of man who had problems.

And the other culprit this week was that aragant son of a bitch Dr. Phil. You know, it sickens me how much coverage this guy gets. This fat piece of shit has his own diet books. I mean what the fuck is that about. Oh and he doles out relationship advice, but lets go back to his first wife, why did they get divorced. Because he was cheating on her. I mean this son of bitch should be the front of the Hip-hip-hypocrit parade. And now he opens his mouth and spews out diareha again of shit he knows nothing about.

Why is it that gamers get a negative rap about this crap. I play violent video games, I love grand theft auto, I will be there day one when the new one comes out. I play halo, I play ghost recon, I have even fired a real weapon. But I do not want to go out and kill people for real.

This Korean piece of dag crap should have been throw into a metal instiution. He should not have been able to buy a gun. I know life is hard dickweed. I was picked on in school too. I played doom on ps1, but that has never made me want to go into my high school and blow away people. Dont use videogames as your scape goat, because gamers are tired of it. We have a right to vote. And some day we are going to have a president who played GTA or Halo or Doom. We all pass through outr phases. As the generation that passed before us hands the torch over, so will the negative stereo type. The same as what happened with Rock and Roll.

I am sorry to hear about the Families who lost lives this past week. I wish you the best of luck in your life. Its never easy to loose family.

Also Mel's dad was in the hospital this week. He is okay but there was a scare earlier in the week, and his once again home. Poor girl is stressed out, she only has a few weeks of classes left and she is at wits end.

My life has had its share of ups and downs this week. I filed for bankruptcy a few weeks ago. I was threatened by one of the companies i owed money to, they were going to garnish my wages/ I got it filed, but this week they took 1/4 of my paycheck, and they should not have been able to do that. Still waiting to hear from my lawyer over this one. I was looking forward to having that part of my check. i have been running low on groceries and i was really goiong to stock up. My finaces were starting to look good. I just hope we get this all figured out before next week. Other than that my life has been usual.

Sorry I have not written the blog. I just have not really had anything to talk about, so i just kind of waited. Mel's busy with school, and I have been doing a little writing here and there.

I have not mentioned it, but if you look to the left you will notice a little box called my twitter box. It is a little box that tells you what I am up to in real time. (Well in real time as i see fit to tell you) So if I have not updated the blog, you can still see that i am alive.

Anyway Guys, I will talk to you soon.

Robert

Three Minute Story

2007-04-11T20:42:00.000-07:00

I was reading One door away from heaven, by Dean Koontz. And there was a line in there that took me aback, and I knew I just had to write about it. Its early in the book, when a character is talking to a waitress in a Country and Western Bar.

She gives him her philosophy, and answers with the line. "When you listen to country music all day, every day, you start to seeing everyone as a three minute story."

Are we all just three minute stories to everyone around us. Can you tell your story in three minutes, can our entire lives be broken down into something so simple. And if we did break them down to their simplest forms, would we all be so unique, or are we just like everyone else.

Here is my three minute story, the best way i can tell, it words that echo through my head. I am not getting weppy or sentimental. Think of it as a recap, or maybe this is the first time you have heard the tale.

I was born in May, I weighed less than 6 pounds. My dad did odd jobs, including Factory Work, and grave digging. And he liked to drink. alot. I never seen him hit my mom, manly because my mom was a strong women, and the first time he slapped her, she damn near killed both of them. Dad learned early mom was not going to take his crap.

Eventually my dad gave up the booze. Dad said it was the doctors that made him give it up. Mom said it was her. I kinda side with my mom on that story. My grandparents fought all the time. I don't know how often I was in the middle of some argument where ash trays were thrown. My parents never fought like that.

I had friends in school. And my best friend growing up was Jodie. A girl. Its probably where I learned all my good and bad habits. When she was mad at me, I always felt guilty. Kinda like when I was married. But I also learned how to treat a women, because you learn alot when one is your best friend. When she was mad I learned gifts were great. At seven a Popsicle is the equivalent of a diamond ring.

In 5th grade we moved. The landlord was tearing down the only home I had ever known. The only friends I had ever had would be so far away that I would rarely see them. We moved to a trailer park, where I would start the next half of my life.

At my old school, I was quite popular, people knew me forever. All my friends were there. At the trailer park, I made friends fast, but it was odd because for the longest time, I was the oldest. I met two people that I would be friends with for a long time. Kristen and Ben.

Kristen was 3 years younger than me, but we all loved her. In a way she became like a sister for me. And Ben well, you have heard the Ben stories. School was a different Story. The school district I moved to was full of the preppiest kids in school. They were mostly stuck up, and they turned me into an outcast.

After 2 years I thought my luck had changed. I got changed into a different school district. This was good news I thought. I was going back to to the Junior high i would have orginally stayed at.

However I met with some resistance. I was now an outsider again. Most of my friends barely remembered me. And I was kind stuck in limbo, where I made more enemies than friends. Where I got picked on by a 5 foot troll and his 400 pound twin goons. I hated it. I am not a fighter. And yet every day me and Ben got tormented by this little troll.

I eventually graduated from Troll high. And spent my life in the video business. I never kissed a girl til I was 20. Lost my virginity before I was 21. It was silly and I was stupid. I thought I was in love. Back then I fell in love way to easily.

I met the girl I would marry in 98, got married in 00. Then 11 months later my dad died. My mom moved in with us. And she bought us a home to live in. A modlar home. That after a few years started to fall apart.

And then i made the worst decsion I ever made. My "wife" wanted a new house, and we found a beautiful home. 2 stories, plenty of room to have children, a basement so I could play video games in piece. I had to convince my mom to file bankruptcy. The old house was falling apart anyway, and we knew we could not sell it.

So I convinced her. We moved into the new house on Thanksgiving day. Unloaded our Uhaul after Turkey. I thought my life could not get much better than that.

5 months later. We come back from a trip to see her niece. She was in a good mood that weekend. She was late. And for the first time i thought I was really going to be a daddy. When we get home we find out the truth, nope. A week later after a fight that last a weekend. She lights a cigarette and tells me she wants a divorce.

I spent the next year trying anything to win her back. But hey, one loser after another is better for her than me. (I think she met one decent guy the entire time she dated after me)

It took me along time to come to terms with this. But i did. I am over her. I never thought I would say that, but I am saying that.

Now I am walking the lonely roads again, but I have met someone who I think is special. She gives me hope. And hope is great medicince. She is not into anything serious, but you know what. For her I could wait forever.

So thats my 3 minute Story, Going on eternity.

So whats your three minute stories?

Robert

Its a Little Over a Month Away

2007-04-06T06:39:00.000-07:00

That is My favorite Easter Picture. I giggle like a 12 year old school girl everytime I see it. I told Mel that next year I want to find that on a T-shirt. That could be scary seeing me walking around giggle uncontrolably.

How is everyone else doing. Here the weather went from 80 on Sunday, and then dropped to below freezing Thursday. I refuse to turn on the heater in my apartment. I just bundle up at night. I am stubborn that way.

Well i turn 30 in a little over a month. And man does it ever show. I got the CRS (Cant remember Shit) so bad that I have notes laying everywhere so I do not forget to do stuff. I have notes to remind me to pay rent, To not forget my lunch. I almost feel like any minute they are going to start filming Memento 2: Electric Boogaloo right here in my apartment.

I am not loosing my mind. But I am just paranoid that I will forget something important.

I have not written in a while. I just have not had much to say. I had an ex of my ex contact me a few days ago. Asking me question about her and such. He was worried about her. And I explained to him what kind of a liar she is. He knew I was telling the truth because of what she had said to him.

She is still going around telling everyone that I cheated on her. Well fuck her. I am glad she is gone. I do not need that many people to think I am a cheating scumbag. That disgusts me to think of cheating on anyone.

My Honor is My Life, I do not do shit like that because it hurts my honor. And its rue, my honor is my life. Its a philosphy that I live by. She promised me she was not going to lie to anyone about me after her co workers found out she was lying. Oh well, I knew she was lying about me. it does not hurt anymore, it just pisses me off.

I am sure her Husband will send me another threatning email if they read this. But who cares.

Anyway folks, I got to run. Daylights a wasting. Have a Happy Easter Weekend. Stay warm. And all that good stuff.

Robert "Hendersonman" Wood

Robert Wood, You BlockHead

2007-03-26T01:16:00.000-07:00

Okay so here we go again. I am a block head. I totally missed the boat in what Mel was trying to say. I thought she had basically decided to ignore me, and move on with her life. I thought she was basically saying she wanted to be friends, and that she was only saying she wanted to chat and hang out soetimes because she was being nice and not meaning it.

No, she still likes me. She spoke to me tonight online, she actually sent me a message first. And after talking with her tonight I figured out what she was really saying. She Wants Boundries.

My problem was i was reading her signs wrong. And this lead me to think she was more serious than she really was. This is where I soar. I know she is the one for me, and I can be patient. I excell at patience with women. Now i know there are boundries, i can work with that.

Boundries go away over time, and if I show her the real me, then this will eventually work out. When i say that i am looking fior a meaningful relationship, and not just to get into a girl's pants, I truly deeply mean that. And when I meet some one like this is is so true. I have waited a year for this girl to notice me, and i am not about to blow this now i know where the out of Bounds line is.

We will se how this develops. She does like me, but she is not trying to rush. I can accept that. :)

Goodnight all.
Robert

Don't Mistake Coincidence for Fate

2007-03-22T07:47:00.000-07:00

Well I finally heard from Mel last night. It seems my suspicions were right on. I scared her off, kind of. She said she went to my myspace page a while back, and seen I had changed my relationship status to In a Relationship. And this scared her. She told me she is not ready to be in a relationship right now, she still has school to finish.

I totally understood that. I told her in the email the reason why I changed it was because I actally started getting messages from real women on there who were interested. And I wanted to take myself out of the game so to speak to see where this goes.

She also told me that she had not dated a whole lot and she wanted to do so with out feeling guilty. Just my luck right. The Baxter Returns, I find the girl I really feel like could go somewhere Maybe she is just not wanting to get bogged down.

I just thought she would become the one. I guess I have mistaken Coincidence for Fate. She said she wants to still be friends and chat and hang out sometimes, but I get the feeling that is more out of being nice than really want.

Oh well she is remarkable, and I am patient when it comes to the affairs of the heart. So we will just have to see where this goes. I know I have a lot to offer someone who looks long enough to see it.

At least I did not loose this one from Talking about the ex all the time.

Anyway i will let you know how this all goes. Pray for me to find the guidance I need.

Its just weird how the same night I find out that the ex wife was getting remarried that is the last time I hear from Her for almost a week. Oh well when God hands you lemons you cant get pissed because you wanted tea.

Robert

I know looking back I might have gotten a little intense, I was holding back, but its a litle harder to hold back when you can actually see a future for once.

WTF?

2007-03-21T18:39:00.000-07:00

Its been one of those weeks. I am not sure what has happened. Melanie has not talked to me since Friday night. I am not sure f she is mad at me, o if she is busy but I have to admit I am a little worried.

I have sent emails asking her whats she has been up to. I have tried calling her. She does not answer. At work yesterday she said hi to me and told me have a good day but she was in a discussion with one of her other employee about some kind of form.

Friday night she said that she was going to spend saturday with her dad and her half siblings. She had not seen them in awhile. I told her no problem, and that I understood.

Maybe I had scared her off, I was doing my best not to come off as too forward, and held a lot of stuff back. It sucks if I am loosing her already geez. I am in near panic mode, its not like her to not talk to me for a few days. Right now I feel like my throat wants to close up. I am scared. My life had been going so good and now I am worried.

I also found out my ex got remarried this weekend. Not that I really cared. I had sent her an email to let her know I had some of her stuff if she needed it back. And where to leave it. (Because I had a feeling she had moved out of her apartment) And sure enough she rubbed it in that she was getting married on Saturday. I am pissed because she ran off with my dog and I will never get to see Tiki again. (In fact Tiki had puppies and I was not informed. My mom would have wanted one. Oh well, she is gone from here.

So I sit here, worried, half sick, with a headache. I am stressed because I am not sure what the hell I did, and what I should do. It just seems odd how fast this all seems to have fallen apart. (I had just seen her last Tuesday, I even talked to her on the phone that night, and not really spoken much to her since then. Maybe its college stuff and she is busy. Maybe I just worry to much. But I am going to send her an email tongiht, or in the morning asking her if she is upset with me, and if she does not want to see me anymore then to at least tell me so, I will understand.

Oh well, I guess maybe I evaded heart break and misery for a little while.

Pray for me and God Bless.

Robert

The One About The Run Away Car

2007-03-14T16:27:00.000-07:00

Did you ever have that dream. The one where you are sitting in a car, and it takes off, and no matter what you do, you can not stop it. And you wake up and you are so relieved its a dream...

Now imagine that horrible experience, and then imagine you are not imagineing it... Welcome to my Sunday night Kids...

You see, I stopped by Matt and Jeff's house Sunday night. I left fairly early, because I was just exhausted. Mel and I stayed up til 2 in the morning on Saturday night, after you take into effect Daylight Savings Time.

As soon as I left there house and pulled out on my drive to my mom's to do laundry, my car starts to act funny. It start to rev up a little bit, and then stop. At first I thought it was the guy in front of me pealing out in the GT... then I reaize the car is trying to move forward as I have the break down.

It was annoying at first but I was thinking it would work itself out.

Kids, if your car starts acting like Herbie, get out and call someone, your car is about to become a death trap.

It kept getting worse, when all of a sudden, the engine revs loud and high, I take off like a bat out of hell. To avoid an accident I turn right at a stop light and find myself hurtling to a construction zone. I hit the brakes... Nothing

I know have orange barrels on eithier side of me, and I am going so fast between, that they break off both of my side mirrors. I Step on the brakes with all my might still nothing...

I realize that in front of me is a road closed sign, and behind it stakced in a neat pile is about 5 steel girders...

Ford taurus Station Wagon going 50+MPH.... Steel Girders... Who you got?

I said my prayers, I think it went something like this. "I am finally getting my life in order, the girl at the ank is dating me, and now you choose the time to kill me. Please Lord don't"

In answer I realized I had just enough time to throw the car into park while its moving which slows me down a little bit, and I whip the car through another red light going left, and pull off into another construction zone, when my car starts smoking. I kill the engine.

Jeff comes to pick me up, and I have a tow truck get my car, I am sure it is toast. I checked the engine, my radiator hoses were disconected and that spill antifreeze on my engine causing the smoke.

I found out later what caused it all. The wire that runs my cruise control to my engine disconected... Causing Herbie to think he was on cruise control, and I wanted him to go Faster.

Anyway in the process, the motor mounts buckled and cause the hose problem. It cost us 515 to fix. I still think the car is worth it. But I am on the road again.

Melanie told me if i needed a ride anywhere to let her know. Her mom also gave me the same offer, how cool is that. Not only is she sticking out her neck for me, but her mom told me that if Mel cant do it, she can. I started to cry when she told me that. I am just glad it was typing over the internet so she could not see me cry.

We have started talking on the phone more lately, I thik she wanted me to truly make the first phone call. We can talk for hours. I like that a lot. Plus she usually comes over ever Saturday.

She really is one in a million.

She also did not like to think about my car experince, she told me she does want to think about what could have happened.

Well Anyway everyone have a good night

Robert

Do I have a Glow?

2007-03-05T16:48:00.000-08:00

Its been one of those weeks. Not so much for me, but everyone around me. I went to a friends grandmother's funeral. Another one of my friend's mother had a stroke, and also Melanie's grandpa had a stroke. And last Monday I got a flat tire.

I am hoping this wek is going to be better. Mel is on Spring Break this week, which is hilarious because it had been pretty cold, why have spring break, before spring? We did not get to see each other on Saturday like I had hoped, but I figured we would not when I heard about her grandfather.

I really did not think I would hear from her much at all. She has been at the hospital all week. Yet almost at least once a day she sends me a text message asking how my day is going, and hope I am doing well. These little messages brighten my day.

I had a customer come in the store who always talked to me, telling me that I have been in a better mood recently. And that I have a glow, she asked if I had a girl friend now. I was thinking is it that obvious. Okay tecnically its not a girlfriend I guess, but close enough to my heart.

Spent most of today trying to catch up on the Xbox Live Achievement Rewards Program, I got another month to come up with less than 500 more gamerscore Points. I think I can o it. I am playing Eragon, and the acheivement points are easy and I actually think the game is pretty good. The funny thing is that I am reading the book at the same time (Yes I know its Young Adult, but I like Dragons) I almost bought the second book in the series, "Eldest" but passed. Money may be tight in the near future.

I am hoping to pick up Ghost Recon Advanced Warfighter 2 this week. It will probably be the last game I pick up for awhile. Oh and Worms HD on XBLA. I love me some Worms.

Eragon is a good book, and the movie comes out on DVD this month, so I am looking forward to that.

Is anyone else gotten as disappointed with Lost this season as I have. I likd this past episode, but man the two or three before it sucked. I am really just sick of the "Others".

I am really Enjoying Jericho, I am almost starting to like it more than Lost. They actually answer some Questions. And heroes, man was I wrong about that show, each episode gets better than the last. I am definately watching TV more this year than in most.

Hopefully I will get to see the girl that owns my smile sometime this week. I miss her smile. When she heard I had a flat tire, she was upset because she could not do anything to help. She was in class at the time, so I did not call her. Someone from my past should take notes.:) This is how to respond when someone needs your help.

Anyway, I need to go. Heores starts in a few. Everyone have a good night

Robert

Est Sularis oth Mithas

2007-02-26T16:35:00.000-08:00

Do not fret constant readers. The old blog is dead. That blog is a different blog. This is a blog of hope. The last blog, was not so much. You are still getting your old buddy Rob, and the misspellings and the bad grammar are along for the ride.

Why the new Blog? Well in case you really and truly want to know, it is like all Stories worth Telling. Its because of a Girl.

Not any girl. The girl that I have had a crush on for over a year. If you read my old blog, she is known as Bank Girl. But here, I will refer to her as Melanie. Or Mel or whatever I feel like calling her. :)

But I noticed a discrepancies. How can I find a girl that completes the empty space in my heart, and continue writing a blog called, The Divorce I did not want. Because its true I did not want it. But had it not happened, i would never have met Melanie.

So i hope that answers your question as to why. let me get on with my next blog post.

So I survived date number two. And I think it was far superior. Because a lot of things happened. We watched How to Loose a Guy in 10 days, which I think it is one of the greatest Chick Flicks ever made.

We ordered pizza, and just hung out. After the movie the electricity went out at my apartment. So I was alone in the dark with the girl of my dreams. And I was a total Gentleman. But after an hour, i kind of started going stir crazy. But hey, she was not even nervous. She trust me. And that is awesome.

We decided to go see my friends. Not exactly the brightest decision on my part. One of my friends actually said, "Don't blame us for you bringing her down here, you are the one that tied the meat around your neck and jumped in a lion pit."

Only one of my friends could not behave himself. For the most part.

Afterwards we went to her house, and I met her mom. Now this is the first time I have been introduced to any girls parents within the first month. It makes me feel good. I am special enough because she is not ashamed of me. She wanted me to meet her mother.

And the better part of this is.. Her mom loves me. She could tell I am good person, and she really did not want us to leave. I just felt good about that. Also I got to meet her dog, a miniature wiener dog, (Shouldn't they be called Vienna Sausage dogs :) )Rosey.

Mel is special. She has filled my heart in a short amount of time. I hope it continues on. I can see myself happy, for the first time in a long time. And i do not want to jump the gun in this, so there are things I feel that I am not saying.

This is God's blessing to me. I want it to continue that way. So this is the new blog.